Careless Whisper
by AlwaysAndForever13
Summary: Dimitri took Tasha's offer at the end of Frostbite. So much changes, yet it stays the same. Dimitri follows what's right, but a moment with Rose changes everything time and time again. Will he finally follow his heart, or not? AU
1. Reminds Me of You

Okay I got this idea when I was listening to the song Carless Whisper (the Seether version) and I kind of based this whole story off a dance that Rose and Dimitri will share later on. But ya. Please tell me if you don't like it. It's my first VA FF and I don't know how it's going to turn out.

A little background: Dimitri left Rose after Frostbite, by taking Tasha's offer (I'll talk about that goodbye later). She is still at the Academy at the beginning of this story, right at the Strigoi attacked. The Queen is not dead, and Dimitri never turned Stirogi. I hope this makes sense.

All of my chapter titles will be song titles. If you know who sings the song, then you have great taste in music. If not, it's cool cause I listen to some out there bands. A lot of titles will probably be from one band (my favorite band) they have good titles.

Anyways sorry for my rambling. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with VA.**

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><p>I was sore and exhausted, adrenaline burning through my body. Christian stood beside me, panting. He hadn't engaged in physical combat like me, but he used a lot of magic tonight, and that had taken its own physical toll. I looked around.<p>

"We gotta find another one," I said.

"There are no others," a familiar voice said.

I turned and look into Dimitri's face. It felt like another live time ago that we said our goodbyes to each other. I was shocked to see him here, and he seemed to be just as shocked that Christian and I were fighting with each other. He was probably wondering how we got here.

"What are you doing here?" I asked before I could stop myself. Last I heard, he and Tasha were in Maine.

"The Academy called for backup," he said looking down. I heard the underlining _to replace the dead_ in his voice.

I turned to Christian who was leaning up against a tree still trying to catch his breath. "Go find Lissa. She's really worried about you."

He didn't need told twice before he took off running to the dorm. I shook my head smiling that the sound of her name will get his adrenaline rushing. It was the same thing for me and the sound of my old mentor's name. The old mentor, who was standing close enough for me to touch right now.

I looked back over to him, wondering what was going to happen now. I decided to voice that concern. "Now what?"

"Take a walk with me?" he asked turning to walk towards the woods.

I was taken aback at first, but I realized that I craved this time alone with him, even after not seeing him for a few months.

He hasn't changed much in that time. His hair was still a little shorter than shoulder length, his eyes were still deep and broody, and his body… well if it was possible seemed to become even more gorgeous.

I strolled over beside him and we started our walk. I was amazed how easily we could move back into our comfortable roles even after everything that had happened in the winter.

But I could tell he wanted to say something, and I also could tell that he wasn't going to bring up anything unless I broke the ice first. What the hell?

"So how have you and Tasha been?" I asked staring straight ahead.

"Good, we've both been pretty good," he said in a neutral tone.

I nodded. "Are still living in Maine?"

"No, we actually moved to Wyoming. Tasha wanted to be closer to the academy than we were."

I nodded again. We always were terrible with small talk.

"Are you doing better?" he asked. I could feel his eyes on me now, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"I'm great. Never been better."

We just made it to the woods now. Dimitri seemed to think we were alone so he grabbed my arm and spun me around so I could look at him.

"You aren't great Rose. I heard about what happened on the plane, and what happened just a few hours ago. What's been happening?"

Of course Alberta would tell him. She's been teaching me since Dimitri left and had to deal with me when I took the darkness from Lissa after Jesse drove her over the edge so to speak. She had a hard time getting me back to myself. It wasn't until Adrian found us in a fight in a cabin Tasha stayed at. Alberta tied me to a chair and Adrian had to use compulsion to get me to calm down. It wasn't until ten minutes after that did I really understand what happened though.

"A lot, actually, but I've gotten it under control now," I said look down at my feet. I didn't need him to hear my problems anymore. He was happy with Tasha; he wanted to be with Tasha. Not me.

"Roza," he said softly, putting his fingers under my chin and forcing me to look into his eyes. Those eyes that told me he wanted me to trust him with my inner demons. "Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say Dimitri? That I've been seeing Mason ghost every I go since two weeks after you left? That my head felt like it was going to explode when the plane landed? That millions of ghosts haunted me when the plane landed? And now I'm going crazy because I'm taking away the madness from Lissa? Oh and I almost killed Jesse today because I'm taking that madness?" I stopped to take a breath. "Is that what you wanted to hear? Because that's what has been happening to me since you left."

I backed up few paces feeling anger build up inside of me. I started to pace back and forth trying to calm myself down. I didn't realize how mad I was at Dimitri for leaving me in this state of mind until now. Of course I didn't realize what kind of mess I would be.

Dimitri stood there staring at me, processing what I had just shouted at him. I could see that he didn't believe anything I just said, but I could also tell that he didn't want to upset me so he was trying to keep and open mind.

I stopped a few feet from him and took a deep breath. I could feel Lissa using the spirit again. Great more things I have to deal with today.

Then out of nowhere I saw Dimitri close the gap between us and wrap his arms around me. "Roza, I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am for leaving you to deal with this by yourself."

I pushed back a little bit, but not our of his arms. "I know, but it's something I would have dealt with myself anyways. No one understands what it's like to be Shadow Kissed."

"Shadow kissed?" he asked.

"When Lissa brought me back to life I was already in the shadow world. But when she took my soul from it, a part of it remains connecting me to the shadows. If that makes sense." I was never really good at explaining it to other people.

"I should have stayed," he said softly.

"No you shouldn't have, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity for you. You can have a family with Tasha. You can have it all."

He laughed without humor, and looked off into the woods over my head. "Not everything Roza, not everything."

I looked up at his questioning what he meant, but when his eyes met mine I knew what he meant. The connection between us didn't fade in those few months. We always knew what the other was thinking, even when the other fought so hard to stay in control of their emotions.

Here and now, though, Dimitri didn't fight to conceal the love he had for me. His eyes showed everything. He slowly bent his head towards me and kissed me softly on the lips at first, but our passion heated up the world around us as I locked my arms around his neck and pressed him into me.

When we broke apart, breathing heavily, he brushed a piece of hair out of my face and said, "If I'm not with you, Roza, I will never have everything."

One thing led to another after that one kiss. In those moments when I laid my head on his chest I thought that maybe he would stay here with me. I hoped he would tell me he had to stay and couldn't go back to Tasha because of how much he loved me.

Unfortunately my life is far from a fairy tale. He walked me back to my dorm that was on lockdown for the night following the attacks. And when we were finally sure that it was safe, I ventured to the gym thinking he would be there on the mats ready to take over as role as my mentor again.

Only no one was there.

"He left," a voice came from behind me.

I turned around to see Adrian standing in the doorway with a piece of paper in his hand. "How would you know?"

"He came and found me this morning," he said walking towards me. "He wanted me to give this to you." He held the paper out for me.

_Roza,_

_I know this is going to be hard, but I can't walk away from my duty. Even though there is nothing in this world that I want to do more. I hope you, of all people, can understand my loyalty to my promise. Please do not call, I will not answer. We need time to heal and we cannot do that if we are talking to each other. Soon I hope we will be able to think of each other as a distant memory. Soon I hope to say my love for you has faded and my love for Tasha has grown._

_I know you are going to great things as a guardian. You are one of the only people I know who really knows what it means to be a guardian. That's why I think you will understand my decision to leave._

_Good luck on your test,_

_Dimitri_

I looked up at Adrian, who probably read the letter already. His eyes said as much. When he reached out for me, I took a step back. I can't deal with being comforted right now.

"I wish you were a fire user," was all I said. Then I dropped the paper and walked out of the gym.

I could feel Adrian following me, but I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to runaway from the world right now. After everything we went through I thought he was finally going to let us be together, but his damn duty overruled his happiness. And mine too apparently.

I didn't understand like he thought I would. I never would understand why two people couldn't be happy together. He could have found someone else for Tasha. He could have come back to the Academy and become Lissa's guardian like it was always planned. We could have figured it out.

The truth is he didn't care about me that much if he could leave me. And soon he would love Tasha more than me.

I stayed in my room for the next three weeks. I acted as though I was on my probation again. I went to training with Alberta, then to classes, then back to Alberta, then straight to my room. Lissa tried to talk to me, but Adrian just shook his head every time she tried to say something to me.

He was the only one who knew anything about us. He was the only one to understand what I was going through. Lissa just thought I was depressed from everyone who has been killed this year. Mason first, now Eddie. Of course we didn't know if he was killed, or changed. Either way he was gone.

But Dimitri clouded my thoughts. I could barely eat anything, but I would still get sick. Sometimes the new tattoo I got from the attacks burn on the back of my neck. Like a reminder of what happened that day. So much happened.

"Rose, stop," Alberta commanded on day at practice. The trails were in two weeks and I wasn't nervous, but I still practiced harder than before.

"What?" I asked pushing the stray hair out of my face. "Am I doing something wrong?"

She shook her head. "Are you feeling alright?"

_No_, I thought. Right before I came here I started throwing up again and now cold sweat was dripping down my back making me feel worse. "Yeah, why?"

She raised her eyebrow at me. Was I the only guardian who couldn't do that? "You look pale. Are you sure you feel fine?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. I jus think I got food poisoning or something."

"From all the food you've been eating?" she asked skeptically.

Shit. So it wasn't a secret that I've been getting sick and not eating. "Look Guardian Petrov, I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine really."

"Come with me." She turned her heel and walked out of the gym not even checking if I would follow.

I debated for a moment, but thought it would do me no good if I didn't go with her so I followed her to the Clinic on the other side of campus.

"Why are we here?" I asked as we walked in and she asked for Dr. Olendzki.

"Trails are in two weeks. I would like to know what's wrong with you before we continue any training."

When Dr. Olendzki came, she and I went into one of the rooms and I sat on the bed. "Okay Rose, how have you been feeling?" she asked sitting on a stool opposite from me.

"Fine."

She smiled and nodded before taking out a thermometer. "Well your temperature is normal," she said after a minute. "Guardian Petrov told me you've been getting sick recently."

I rolled my eyes. Of course Alberta would tell her. "Yeah, but I'm fine. Really."

"I'll decide that," she said looking at her clipboard. "Okay have you had sexual intercourse with anyone in the past month."

I cringed. They made it sound weird. And why would they ask that question… oh. "Look, I know what you may be thinking, but I'm not pregnant. Trust me."

"That's not the answer I was looking for, Rose."

"Yes I have, but trust me I'm not pregnant."

"You know things can happen that-"

"I'm not pregnant! I wasn't with a Moroi or a human. I was with another dhampir," I said standing up. This wasn't something I wanted to talk about.

"Oh," said Dr. Olendski. Clearly I just crushed her theory. Rose: 1 Dr. Olendski: 0. "Well, how long have you felt sick then?"

"Just a couple of weeks."

"A couple of weeks? That seems a little long for a dhampir who is not supposed to contract illness."

"That doesn't mean that it never happens."

"True, but not for this long."

"Then," I said getting frustrated, "please tell me what you think could be wrong with me."

"I don't know exactly, but I would like you to take this," she said reaching into the desk beside her drawer. It was a pregnancy test.

"Dr. Olendski I just told you I slept with a dhampir. We can procreate with one another. One of God's sick jokes apparently."

"Well, then you shouldn't be worried about the outcome," she said handing me the test. "The bathroom is right there."

I sighed heavily and walked into the bathroom. There was no way I was pregnant. Dimitri was the only guy I have ever been with. And everyone knows that dhampirs can't have children with other dhampirs.

What if it was true, though? Is it some shadow kissed thing? Is it possible to have children with dhampirs if you are shadow kissed? Shit.

The next three minutes were the longest of my life. Alberta had found Lissa and told her I was here. She came into the bathroom to find me sitting on the floor staring at the stick resting on the sink.

She slid down the wall next to me. "Who's the father?"

"There is no father," I said bitterly.

"Rose."

I sighed and looked into her green eyes. She was worried about me. But she was also angry, hurt and confused that I didn't tell her I had had sex with someone.

"I couldn't tell you Lissa. I wanted to more than anything, but this was something I couldn't tell anyone," I whispered.

"Why not?" she asked anger building inside of her. She didn't understand how I could keep something like this from her. I was supposed to tell her everything because she told me everything.

I was hurt that Adrian was able to see my feelings for Dimitri and his for me even when we were fighting. How could a guy I had only known for five minutes see it, but my best friend couldn't?

"It doesn't matter, Lissa. He left me."

"Who left you?"

"Dimitri," I said so softly I would be surprised if she heard me.

But she did. And with that everything clicked together in her head. She couldn't believe she never saw it before. It was so obvious. But he left a few months ago…

"He was asked back when the Strigoi attacked the Academy. And one thing led to another…" I took a deep breath and look at the stick. I could read it now. Time was up. I just didn't want to. "Now I'm here."

She wrapped her arm around me shoulder and pulled me close to her. I leaned my head on her shoulder and let a single tear escape my eye. "He gave Adrian a letter telling me he couldn't abandon Tasha and his duties as a guardian. He hoped that soon his love for Tasha would overshadow his love fore me."

I could sense the disgust Lissa felt for Dimitri. The fact that he used me one night and cause me so much pain, just to tell me that he couldn't abandon his _duty_. She hated him for what he did to me. What he is doing to me, right now.

I sat up and grabbed her hands. "Lissa, calm down. It's okay. I'll be okay."

She gave a bitter laugh. "After everything you are going through you are still comforting me." She slumped further down the wall. "Life's not fair."

I slumped with her. "It's never been fair to us."

She looked over to me and then back at the sink. "You should look."

"Could you?"

She nodded and grabbed it. Then she walked over to me and set it on the floor for both of us to read.

A little pink plus filled the screen.

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><p>An: I hoped you liked it! Please review and tell me what you thought!


	2. Papercuts

A/N: I didn't get as many reviews as I would have liked, but I got a lot of Story Alerts so I decided to continue in hopes of getting more reviews soon. So enjoy the next chapter.

I still don't own anything.

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><p>We stared down at the plus sign. So it was official, I was pregnant. But there were such things as false positives right? It could be one of those times. This could all be a big mistake. That made sense. Dimitri couldn't have gotten me pregnant. I knew that, and he knew that. Hell, everyone knew that. So I wasn't pregnant. No, this was all just a mistake. It had to be.<p>

Who am I kidding? I am pregnant. It was weird, like I could already feel everything changing inside of me. But what was I going to do? Who would tell Dimitri? Would anyone tell Dimitri?

No.

No, no one could tell him. He would give up his duty, leave Tasha, and maybe even leave a life he loved living to be with the baby and me. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't have him live a life full of regret.

Regret for sleeping with me. Regret for leaving Tasha. Regret for leaving his guardian status to become a dad.

I couldn't do that to him. He would never have to know. No one would really have to know except for Lissa. We could go out and tell them it was negative. I could take my trials, graduate, and then leave. Go off into a city and raise the baby. Then when I send them to school I could do what my mother did to me and let them stay in school. That way I could become a guardian and protect Lissa.

No, I couldn't do that either. I couldn't do what my mother did to me to my own child. I would see this through and through, and do everything I could to be a kick ass mom and guardian.

I looked up resolved to see Lissa staring at me. Her emotions swarmed to me. She was thinking about how scared I must be. She was furious at Dimitri. How could he not have thought that this might happen? How could he have slept with this student? How could he have left?

Jackass.

"Lissa," I said softly, reaching out to her, "it's going to be okay."

She shook her head. "How can any of this be okay? He left you! He wasn't careful, he didn't think! How could he do this to you? How will you graduate?"

"Lissa!" I could feel it. She was starting to be consumed by the by the spirits madness. I could feel the black spot start to grow in her mind. "Lissa, look at me."

"He's a pig! He's an idiot. He should have never come back to school. He should have just stayed with Tasha-"

"Lissa! Look at me now," I demanded pulling at her arm to get her attention. There was so much, so much clouding her.

Her eyes snapped at me, her green eyes seemed to be shooting daggers at anyone her interrupted her. But the eye connect was all I needed. I focused in on her anger, on all the hate for Dimitri and sucked it from her.

I felt all her anger hit me like a boulder. I saw her transform before. I saw everything change through the hate clouding my own judgment. Lissa was herself again.

And I was going to kill someone.

Lissa noticed the change when I gripped the handlebar on the wall behind me. I was trying to push the madness back down inside of me, but it was coming at me in full force. She didn't know what to do.

"Rose, look at me," she said calmly bending over me.

"No," I said gritting my teeth. "How could he do this to me? That bastard. Didn't he think of what could happen, what did happen? Is he that stupid?" I was pulling at the handlebar now, trying to just rip it out of the wall. I don't know what I was going to do with it; my only thought is that I wanted it.

"Rose," she said taking hold of my chin and forcing me to look at her. "Calm down. Everything is going to be okay. You are going to be okay. We are going to get through this together, and Dimitri will never find out and will never have a chance to hurt you."

Yes, everything will be okay. As long as I had Lissa with me nothing could harm us. Dimitri will never know that I'm having his kid. Everything was going to be- wait.

I'm never this rational, even when the spirit madness isn't consuming me. Shit.

"Lissa, you shouldn't have used compulsion on me. I just got rid of the madness consuming you and you are ready to let it take over you again."

"You were losing yourself Rose. You wouldn't have been able to control it if I didn't tell you to."

I let go of the handlebar and went limp against the wall again. "You just voiced everything I have been feeling. I wish he never came back here. I wouldn't even be here right now if he hadn't. But he did, and I'm stuck in this situation."

"What are we going to do?" Lissa asked, falling to the floor beside me once again.

"You are going to graduate and go to court with Christian. I'm going to have a baby and hopeful become a guardian later."

"The trials are only in two weeks, do you think you could still do them?"

I shrugged. "Doubt it. I'll be what? Five weeks along?"

I could see Lissa calculating in her head. "Yep. By that that time the vertebral column will be fully developed, and the heart and brain will be developing."

I turned and stared at her. "How do you know this?"

"Remember when we took classes at that one college? I took an anatomy course that you tended to sleep through."

"Oh."

"Actually, you probably should wait to take the trials. I'm sure they will figure something out for you. Five weeks is a long time."

"So is nine months," I said softly staring at the wall ahead of us.

She nodded. She didn't know what to tell me. She wanted to make everything better, to protect me from everything that I was about to face, but she couldn't. No one could. And no one could know who the father is. I was alone.

Lissa got to her feet and pulled me up next to her. "We should probably tell Dr. Oledenski."

I nodded, walking to the door with Lissa falling in step behind me. Everything is going to change now.

**4 Years Later**

A lot can happen in four years. You can kill a bunch of Strigoi's, become a full-fledged guardian, and save countless of lives. Or you can become a mom.

Nine months and twenty-six painful hours after I had sex with Dimitri, I gave birth to our daughter Veda Alexandra Hathaway. She looked a lot like me. Same dark hair, tan complexion, but in the first couple of years anyone who knew Dimitri like I did, knew that she was his daughter. She acted just like him. Always calm and in control of her emotions. She rarely burst out screaming, and was easily soothed by music. She was the perfect daughter.

Shortly after having Veda, I was training with Alberta again, gaining back my strength and endurance. Two month after that, I took my own personal trial and passed with flying colors. I got my promise mark, and Veda and I moved to court.

Surprisingly, the queen let me become Lissa guardian. I think she found a new respect for me raising my daughter and becoming a guardian. That, and maybe she thought Adrian was the father, like so many other people did. I don't really know the reason. I never really talked to her about, and I didn't want to talk to her about it.

The only people who knew who Veda's father is, is Lissa, Christian, Adrian, Alberta (she put the pieces together shortly after I told her that I was, in fact, pregnant), and my mother.

Many Moroi think Adrian is the father because we played it that way. Adrian was always around Veda and I, playing with her or holding my hand. He wants to protect her more than anything, so he picked up the role as her father. Veda knows he isn't, but she loves him as if he was.

Within the last couple of months, Adrian and I have sort of become a couple. We're together so much, that things happened and one night we kissed and the next thing I knew he was coming over early to cook breakfast for Veda and I.

He's been such an amazing guy these past four years, couldn't imagine life without him, so I didn't mind being his girlfriend. And as long as the queen doesn't bitch me out about it, then we will be a happy family.

"Momma, Auntie Lissa's here," Veda said in my ear as she sat on top of me.

I groaned and looked at the clock beside my bad. It was 6:45 in the morning. Why the hell would anyone wake me up this early? "Tell her to go away," I said lifting Kira off me.

"But mom," she said pulling my hair gently, "she says it's important guardian stuff."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. What the hell is so important at 6:45? "Okay, okay, I'm up."

I threw the covers off of my and rolled out of bed. I swept Veda up suddenly, making her laugh, as I carried her downstairs with me.

We lived in a small condo that was attached to Lissa's house. It was small, but for two of us it was just the right size. Plus it made things so much easier being so close to Lissa without having to live with her.

Lissa, of course, looked like she just did a runway show, her hair and makeup done for a business meeting. Meanwhile, I looked like the walking dead. "Hey, Lissa. What's so important it couldn't wait till at least ten?"

_It's about Dimitri._ She said flatly in my head.

I stopped in my tracks as I reached the last step. Veda looked up at me with a smile on her face. When she saw mine, though, it quickly faded. "What's wrong momma?" Veda had a knack for knowing my emotions like Dimitri had, but at this moment anyone could tell that I was about ready to collapse. I haven't heard his name for almost two years; and hearing it now, even if it was only in my head, was enough to bring back all the pain I went through.

I placed Veda on the ground and bent down so that our eyes were level. "Mommy's okay. She and Aunt Lissa just need to talk in the kitchen, so will you go watch some TV?"

She nodded, excited about watching cartoons, and ran off into the other room. Boy was I glad children were easily distracted when they were this young.

I lead Lissa into the kitchen and shut the door that connect it to the living room where Veda was laying on the floor gazing up at the television. I took a deep breath and turned around to face Lissa sitting at the island. "What about him?"

She looked down at her hands; twisting around the bracelet I got her last year for her birthday. "Well, I don't know when this is going to be, but Tasha called Christian yesterday and…"

"And?"

"She's coming to court," she said bitterly.

I walked forward until I could collapse into a stool opposite of Lissa. "And Dimitri's coming with her," I told her.

She nodded. Suddenly she smacked her hand off of the table.

"Lissa!" I said in a loud whisper, looking back at the closed door behind me.

"I'm sorry, but I'm so pissed off," she said staring at the refrigerator. "I mean why come to court? Why now? She hasn't been here since everything happened with Christian's parents so why now? And why bring _him_?"

I looked at her pointedly. "She wants to be closer to you and Christian. You can't blame her for that."

"I know I can't. But the fact that she would bring Dimitri is unacceptable."

"Lissa, he's her guardian. He has to come with her."

"I don't want him here though. I don't want him to see you or Kira. I just wish he couldn't hurt you anymore. But I know he can, and I hate it."

"I know," I said taking her hand. "But I will be fine, and Veda doesn't know who he is, so she will be fine. I haven't seen him for almost five years. I'm over everything. He can't hurt me anymore."

That was a lie. A bigger lie than saying Adrian was Veda's father, which I never actually said out loud. This lie was loud and clear. Dimitri knew just how to hurt me, even if he never did so on purpose.

As I lead Lissa to our connector, I squeezed her arm. "I'll be fine. Just give me a heads up when they arrive, okay?"

She nodded and hugged me tightly. "Tell Veda I'll see her later tonight for dinner."

I nodded and smiled at my best friend. "Happy birthday."

She smiled back at me. "Thanks. And promise me no party and no gifts."

"Would I ever not hold up my promises?" I asked faking that I was offended.

"If a party could be involved, yes." And she walked through the door to her own house.

I laughed, shaking my head before getting Veda to take to day care. Lissa's not going to like me after her surprise party tonight.

Taking on last look in the mirror, I found my appearance acceptable. I had my hair up with two strands lose to frame my face. My dress was black, floor length, and tight to show off the figure I was able regain even after gaining fifty pound while pregnant with Veda.

I took a deep breath before heading out of my room and downstairs to where Veda was sitting with Ambrose. "Mommy, you look so pretty," she said running over to me.

I laughed and kissed the top of her head. "Thanks baby. Now please be good for Ambrose." She nodded and ran back to the couch waiting for the movie to start. "Thanks again!" I yelled and Ambrose just smiled and waved as I opened the front door.

Adrian was there waiting for me with a smile on his face. "Beautiful as always Little Dhampir," he said bowing before holding his hand out for me.

I rolled my eyes, but took his hand. "Thank you. You look pretty handsome yourself."

He gave me a wicked smile as he led me down the steps and across the street towards the restaurant. "So Lissa doesn't know that fifty or so people are gathering here for her birthday?"

I shook my head. "Nope, not a clue."

We shortly entered Lissa's favorite restaurant, where many people were standing and talking, waiting for the signal to hide. I greeted a few, and Adrian left my side to greet the royals he knew well.

Everything was going pleasantly until I felt a pang through the bond. I reached out to see what was wrong, when I suddenly slammed against a wall. Lissa wasn't letting me find out what was wrong.

But before I had time to process this further Christian burst through doors stopping only to search for me. When he found me ran for me and pulled me aside.

"Christian what's wrong? Did something happen to Lissa?" I asked holding him up right as he bent over trying to catch his breath.

"She… Lissa told me… That I had to run… run here to tell… you that…"

"She's coming!" someone yelled out across the room.

"Wait! Rose!" Christian yelled.

Forty-eight people shushed him before they turned off the lights. I grabbed Christian's hand and pulled him behind the table with me.

"What did you run here for Christina," I whispered. "What's going on?"

"She needed me to tell you-," he whispered as the doors opened.

"What's going on?" I heard Lissa asked.

"-that-" the rest of what Christian said was drown out by the outburst of "Surprise's" coming from the guest.

The lights turned on, and we all jumped out of our hiding spots except for Christian and I. I felt Lissa's surprise, anger at me (but only for a second) before happiness sunk in, and joy.

I shrugged a Christian who tried to pull me back down as I stood up to yell Surprise with the rest of them. But when I opened my mouth nothing came out.

Lissa wasn't alone. A woman with scars on her face and jet-black hair stood next her smiling, along with her guardian. Tasha and Dimitri decided to come to court today. _So much for the heads up Lissa_, I thought. But then I understood what Christian had to tell me. They came back, and they were coming tonight.

I stared at the man who broke my heart four years ago. He hadn't changed much at all. He looked a little older, but somehow it made him much hotter. Except, looking at him just made me realize how much of him was in Veda. She had his strong jaw and lean face. While her eyes were dark, they weren't as dark as mine, but more of the brown color Dimitri had. And she could raise her eyebrow like he could. She was his daughter. How anyone could look at the two of them together and not see it was beyond me.

_Christian didn't tell you in time! I'm so sorry, I didn't know they were here until an hour ago, and I was going to tell you, but you had weren't home! So I had Christian run here as fast as he could, but apparently it wasn't fast enough. I'm so, so sorry Rose._ Lissa's voice said in my head.

She probably saw my expression, which I assumed looked like I saw Mason's ghost again. Instead of easing her anxiety by looking at her, my eyes continued to watch Dimitri as he walked around the room following Tasha and Lissa.

Lissa tried to steer them clear of Christian and me, but Tasha saw us out of the corner of her eye before I got feeling in my feet again. "Rose!" she yelled walking over to us. I saw Dimitri stiffen, but he followed Tasha without hesitation, keeping his eyes on the ground.

I felt Adrian put his arm around my waist pulling me close to him. "Everything's going to be okay," he whispered.

"Rose how nice to see you! I heard that you were Lissa's guardian. You must have made quiet an impression with Tatiana."

I forced a smile. "Yes, I believe I must have done something right for once."

She laughed and turned to Dimitri. "I'm sure your training help her a lot."

"It did help," I said still smiling. I wasn't going to let him win. "Alberta was able to help me with a lot of things that he couldn't when he left." I saw Dimitri lock his jaw as he stared off at the door.

Tasha nodded, probably feeling as uncomfortable as the rest of us, but probably not for the same reasons.

Mia, an old friend of ours from the academy, walked over to wish Lissa a happy birthday and say hello to the rest of us. "Rose, I've been looking around from Veda. Did you not bring her?"

I felt Tasha and Dimitri's eyes flash to my face. "No, this would be too late for her, and she's not really one for dressing up." Mia nodded understanding completely. Veda like to stay simple, wearing jeans and t-shirts everywhere she went. When I made her wear a dress, it was like I was giving her Chinese water torture.

"Who is Veda?" Tasha asked.

I turned to both of them. I knew the world just got so much more complicated now. This is just what I needed.

I took a deep breath. "She's my daughter."

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><p>AN: So they're back, and everything is going to get complicated. Tell me what you thought!


	3. All Hail The Heartbreaker

A/N: So many Story Alerts it makes me very happy, so I take it as you enjoy my story, which is great cause I wasn't sure if anyone would. Well I hope you like the next chapter!

I don't own anything still, murr.

There. I had said it. Veda is my daughter; yes I had a daughter. I saw the utter shock shoot across Tasha's face. She made no effort to hide it. Dimitri's face changed faster than anyone could blink, but I was able to catch it. His eyes grew wide, his mouth dropped a little, and his body seemed to stiffen from shock. However, being a guardian you learned how to control your features so that you gave nothing away, and soon his body eased back into guardian-mode. I could still see the shock, confusion and anger in his appearance, though. I wondered if Tasha could.

Adrian own body seemed to tense next to me as I told them of my daughter. His arm went rigid against my back, and his fingers gripped my hip. He knew Veda's father, he saw him standing in front of me, not knowing what he had done to me when he left. Adrian saw me; he stayed with me for four years trying to put back the pieces Dimitri left. I think Adrian wishes he were a fire user right now too.

I saw Lissa and Christian out of the corner of my eye. They were both staring at the four of us. Lissa's anger was rising, but concern for me was overruling any darkness that may have clouded her. She hated that Mia would chose right now to ask after Veda, yet she could not blame someone who didn't know. Lissa wanted to move next to me, but didn't want Dimitri to notice anything strange.

Mia was oblivious to all of this, however. For that I was extremely grateful for.

"How old is she?" Dimitri asked breaking the silence. His face was composed, curiosity the only thing showing.

"She is four years old," I said pleasantly, acting like this wasn't awkward at all. "She will turn five in a few months. I cannot believe how fast the years have gone by."

Tasha, finally seeming to recover nodded and smiled. "They do grow up so fast," she said looking at Christian.

"She looks so much like Rose," Mia offered, still oblivious to everyone's emotions.

I saw Dimitri smile a little at this out of the corner of my eye.

"Is the father here?" Tasha asked. "I would love to met the man who caught your heart."

I bite my lip trying not to laugh while I imagined her face if I pointed to the man next to her. Oh what a sight to see everyone's face!

Adrian offered out his hand to shake Tasha's. "Adrian Ivashkoc," he said with a mocking smile.

Now Dimitri didn't hide his shock. I could see pain flash across his features, which I didn't understand. There was also a look of betrayal. I didn't know what to think or how to act at the moment.

"Excuse us," I said quickly, taking Adrian by the hand that was still reached out and dragging him behind me to the opposite side of the room.

"Adrian!" I hissed at him. "Why would you do that? Why didn't you just leave it open ended, or make some excuse for us to leave? Why did you have to introduce yourself as Veda's father?"

"Rose, why are you even asking that? I love Veda like she was my daughter. Plus I never want Belikov to even think there is a chance that Veda is his. I want to protect her as well as you, Rose. If they think that I am the father than they won't ask questions and will never figure out the truth. Besides I might as well be the father, I never left you," he said releasing my hand and looking off into the direction the four of them were still standing.

I followed his gaze watching as Mia walked away from them and Lissa and Christian turned to give Tasha and Dimitri their full attention. I wince when I looked at Dimitri. Adrian was right, he might as well be Veda's father, and now Dimitri would never suspect the possibility that he is her real father. I should be thankful for Adrian, but right now I only wanted Dimitri to know the truth.

That was impossible, though.

I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes. "What a mess I'm in."

Adrian came over to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him. "Don't worry Rose. I'm not going to let anything happen. I'm here for you, no matter what. Don't let those two bring down your spirit."

He kissed the top of my forehead and gave me a tight squeeze. "Come on, they're about to cut the cake."

We walked over as Christian handed Lissa the first piece of her birthday cake. Only Adrian and I knew what else was in that piece.

Lissa looked at Christian with such love as she took the first bite. She could believe that he would go to all this trouble to throw her a party, especially since he didn't really like anyone here.

When Lissa looked down for a second bite she saw something silver sticking out of the spongy cake. Her head shot up and looked for me before taking another slice.

_Rose, what is this?_ Lissa asked me in my head. Of course I knew it was an engagement ring. Hell, I went with Christian to pick it out with him.

I only smiled and nodded at Lissa when her eyes met mine.

"Christian, what is this?" she asked staring at him.

A smile grew across his face as he took the piece of cake Lissa was holding and placed it on the table behind him. He bent down on one knee and looked up at her. "Lissa, I have loved you since the moment I saw you and Rose walk across the cafetieria the day you came back to the Academy," he started.

I smiled at the memory, remembering all the eyes staring at us shocked that we were caught after two I remembered who was with us that day, and my eyes scanned the room for his face.

When I found Dimitri, he was staring in my direction as well. I held my gaze for a minute to prove that I am not afraid of him.

"We've fought through so much in life already, that I know we can make it through anything as long as we are together."

_With Rose_, Lissa said to me, her voice light in my head. We both knew Christian was thinking that as well.

"You make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you let me I will do everything I can to make you feel the same way as I do. Please do me the honor of becoming my wife." He took a deep breath and stood up. "Lissa, marry me."

I saw the tears running down Lissa's face, and I could feel the emtions exploding within herself. There was no hesitiation when she answered yes. Everyone knew that they were designed for each other. No one but the queen ever thought they could come between them.

The rest of the party seemed to be a blur of happiness. Adrian steered me away from Dimitri anytime he came close to us, but I didn't pay attention. I only watch Lissa. She was so happy. I don't know if I have ever seen her this happy before. She reminded me of the day I had Veda.

When my water broke in February four years ago, Lissa was watching a movie with me and Adrian back at the Academy. They had given me the cabin in the woods as my own house so that I wasn't in the hustel and bustle of everyday student life. I wasn't thrilled about living in the cabin where Veda was conceived, but who was I to complain?

As they rushed me to the clinic on campus, panicing the whole way that I would go into laber right then and there. Lissa tried coaching me through breathing excerises as I laid down on one of the cots in the clinic.

Of course they never really prepared for a baby to be born on the Academies campus, so Alberta had to drive Adrian, Lissa, Christian, and I to the hospital located about an hour away.

I got a room quickly because a contraction came at that moment and I screamed bloody murder. I think the nurses thought I could go into labor in the waiting room when they saw me.

Then 26 hours later on February 23, I was dilated enough to start pushing and I asked to have Lissa in the room with me as my labor coach or whatever they called it. She was the second person to hold my baby Veda and she loved her as soon as she saw her open her big brown eyes.

When everyone left me alone with Veda to get some rest, I thought I should make some phone calls. I intended to call my mother, but instead I found myself dialing Dimitri's cell phone.

_This is Guardian Belikov cell phone_, Dimitri's voice said after it rang three time. _Leave your name and number and I will call you back._

"_Dimitri, it's me, Rose. I know you told me not to call you, but there is something you should know. That night in the cabin, stuck with me more than I wanted it to when you left. I found out I was pregnant with your child. I know it sound impossible, and it should be, but it happened and I still don't know why. And, well, I gave birth to my daughter today. Our daughter. She's 7 pounds and 3 ounces, and she healthy and beautiful._

"_But you can't know this because you'll come back to us. You will give up your duties and come back and be the best father to her. And I can't let you do that, I can't let you resent me later for taking you away from everything you know. So I promise I won't put the burden on you to come to us. You will never know about your daughter Veda. And I hope that you will understand why I did this if you do find out about her._

"_I love you Dimitri. I always have and I always will."_

I deleted what I said as soon as I finished talking. He could never know about our daughter because I was so worried that he would come to resent me later in life because I took him away from his duty. Because of me he would give up everything he was taught. I couldn't do that to him.

The next day Veda and I were getting ready to go to dinner with Lissa, Christian and Adrian when Lissa came running up the stairs into my room.

"Rose, I am so sorry," she said breathless.

I flicked my eyes to her face reflected in the mirror and went back to finishing my mascara. "I forgive you, but for what?"

"Dimitri and Tasha are coming to dinner with us now."

I spun around. "What?"

"Tasha came over while I was getting ready and asked why I was so dressed up. When I told her I was going out to dinner she asked if she could come along. When I told her it was with you, she wanted to come ever more because she wants to get to know Veda. I am so sorry, but I couldn't say no."

"Why not? It's really easy to do. Just say the word and they wouldn't come along with us. We could have the nice dinner we were hoping for to celebrate your engagement," I said my temper rising.

Lissa shrugged. "I know, but that's why she came over. She wanted to go out with us to celebrate as well. So she figured we could all celebrate together."

"I don't want to see them or celebrate with them," I said harshly.

"Rose," Lissa sighed, "you have to get over everything and try to be civil with them. They are going to be around a lot now. And with Christian and I getting married, it only makes sense that Tasha would want to celebrate this moment with us."

I sighed, frustrated. "I know that Lissa. I just… I don't want Dimitri around Veda."

Sympathy shot through the bond. She walked up to me and put a hand on my arm. "I know Rose, but you can't hide her from him for forever."

I nodded knowing she was right.

"Look," she said seriously, "he thinks that Adrian is the father, this is the perfect opportunity to show Dimitri that he is. Now he won't question it, he'll see the way you are with Adrian and the way Adrian is with Veda. Dimitri won't doubt that Adrian is the father if you show him tonight. Think of it like that."

I rolled my eyes and smiled at her. "You are such a conniving person. I didn't think you had it in you," I said playfully punching her on the arm.

She smiled back at me. "Well, I do. So go get Veda and meet me in my house in ten minutes. Adrian is already there."

"I thought we were going out."

She shook her head. "Nope, Christian cooked dinner for everyone."

I shrugged and turned back around to finish my makeup.

"Ten minutes," Lissa yelled as she walked down my stairs back to her house.

And eleven minutes later Veda and I were walking through the conjoining door into Lissa's foyer.

"Adri!" Veda yelled running into the living room where Adrian was standing waiting for us.

He laughed as Veda launched herself at him, and caught her with perfect ease. "Hey princess."

I smiled at the two of them together. He has always spoiled her beyond belief. "Veda be careful, you may be stronger than Uncle Adrian."

She turned her head towards me, smiling ear to ear in his arms. "I will be momma."

Just then the doorbell rang, and I walked straight past it and took Veda out of Adrian's arm. "Stay close to me tonight, okay baby?"

She looked at me with a worried expression on her face. "Are bad people here mommy?"

I smirked and shook my head. "No baby, no. I just like you close to me."

She nodded, seeming to understand that she wasn't supposed to get to close to the people about to walk through the door. Dimitri's own personality shining through her, as he walked into the living room.

"Is that you're daughter Rose?" Tasha asked.

I turned around as Veda held onto me a little tighter, but didn't look away from the strangers standing before her.

I smiled down at her. "It's okay Veda," I whispered to her as I set her on the ground, but she still kept my hand. To Tasha and Dimitri I said, "Yes this is my daughter Veda. Veda this is Lady Oreza and Guardian Belikov."

"Hello," she said softly and then looked up to me, like she was wondering if it was okay to speak to them. I gave her a nod of encouragement. So she looked back and smiled at them.

"Hello Veda," Tasha said smile at her. Then she looked up at me, still smiling. "She looks just like you, Rose. Doesn't she Dimka?"

Dimitri, who was still staring at Veda in awe, finally looked up at Tasha and then to me and back to Veda. "She does."

"Well, dinner is going to be about five more minutes," Christian said walking into the room, oblivious to the tension.

"Uncle Chris!" Veda yelled running to him like she did to Adrian.

He smiled at her and picked her up. "Hey Veda, I missed you."

I laughed and looked over to the other two. Tasha was smiling, but Dimitri seemed to be scrutinizing her. Like maybe he saw the bits of himself in her that only I saw. Despite everything, maybe Dimitri was working out everything in his head.

However, when Adrian took Veda from Christian and they walked into the kitchen to finish everything up, Dimitri looked away from Veda reaching her arms our to him. He looked in pain seeing her rest her head against his shoulder.

When I saw Lissa walk over to Tasha to talk about the upcoming wedding. I realized my only options were to go to the kitchen or talk to Dimitri. Naturally I about to head to the kitchen, but Dimitri beat me to it.

"Rose, can I speak to you for a moment?" he asked softly nodding towards the foyer.

I could feel Lissa's eyes flash to me. I could feel her yelling in my head through the bond, but I ignored it and lead the way into the foyer. "What's up?" I asked spinning around to face him.

"You're daughter's beautiful."

"Thank you."

"How old did you say she was?"

"Four. She will be five in February."

"When did we… when was the last time we saw each other?"

"About four years ago. What are you getting at Dimitri? You were never one to beat around the bush."

His face was calculating, his eyes looking down at the floor. I started to worry that maybe he did actually see himself in her. Maybe he knew that he was the father because of her age and birthday. Maybe he was doing the math. That again, she was a week late so maybe he added that factor into it and thinks she isn't. I couldn't tell what he was getting at.

"I'm not sure what to think Rose. Either you were with Adrian before the attack, or right after the attack."

"And I don't see why that should matter to you. When Adrian and I got together isn't any of your business."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes," I said not lying, but not telling the whole truth either.

"Did you love him back then?" he asked, looking at the ground.

I hesitated. I didn't think of Adrian that way at all back then. We only would joke about it. Besides we've never actually have had sex, so I couldn't really love him as much as I loved Dimitri. Plus he didn't give me Veda, because of that Dimitri would always have a place in my heart.

"It doesn't matter how I felt back then," I said starting to walk away from him.

He reached out, however, and grabbed my arm spinning me around. "Rose, Roza. Is there anyway you could have loved me?"

"You left," was all I said as I shook my arm away and went to the dining room ready to get this dinner over with.

A/N: Sorry this one took longer, but I rewrote this chapter twice. Hopefully it was pretty good. The next chapter I hope to have up by Monday at the latest. So review please and tell me how it was.


	4. Think Of You Later

A/N: I'm really glad you all liked the last chapter. Now I'm sorry if some of these chapters seem a little slow, but I know exactly what I want to do later, it's just getting to that point.

This chapter is going to be a mixture of present and _past_. You'll be able to tell which is which by the text. I hope you like the way I worked this one.

I don't own anything and I won't own anything.

* * *

><p>He left, it's true. When I said those to words to him at Lissa's house, when I saw his face cloud with pain, I finally let myself feel a little bit of hatred for him.<p>

Thing could have been so much different if he never took that job. If I still got pregnant he would have been there for me and for Veda. He didn't have to leave me alone and then come back into my life four years later and want answers for the daughter he knows nothing about.

When I said those words, everything came rushing back from the first time he left me. I was so vulnerable then, I didn't need to lose anyone else.

_It was late, or early, depending on how you looked at it. The sun was rising slowly as I walked through the campus, my shoes crunching into the snow still left on the paths. It was past the curfew for all students at the Academy, but not many guardians said anything when they saw me wondering around. They all knew I needed to be alone._

_Somehow I found my way to the gym. I spent all my time here I normally would avoid it during my late night walks. But something made me gravitate towards it tonight. It wasn't until I saw Dimitri sitting on the mats reading a book that I understood why._

_He glanced up when the door shut behind me, and then continued his spot in his book, like my presents wasn't breaking a school rule._

_I stared at him, waiting for him to realize that I'm here illegally and go into one of his famous speeches about being more responsible, but nothing happen. I thought I was going to die of shock._

"_Stare all you want, I'm not going to yell at you," he said not bothering to look up._

_I relaxed and rolled my eyes at him as I walked over to join him on the mats. "Softening up, comrade?"_

_He smirked, and flipped a page. Apparently my comment didn't get graced with a response._

_I smiled and laid back on the mat, comfortable with the silence between us. I needed the comfort and safe feeling he gave me anytime I was around him._

"_How are you, Rose?" he asked suddenly._

_I propped myself up on my elbows so that I could look at him, seeing as he was already staring at me. "I'm good."_

_He raised his eyebrow and bent his head a little bit. "Rose."_

_I sighed. "I don't know how I'm supposed to answer that Dimitri. I had to watch one of my best friends get killed by a Stirogi, and then kill his killer. How am I supposed to be?"_

_He slid over beside me and pulled me towards him so that my head was on his shoulder. "I can't tell you how you should feel. The first kill is always the hardest and it's worse for you because of everything that happened in Spokane."_

_He started to rub my arm comfortingly, but for the first time his touch didn't send chills up and down my spine. There was too much sorrow in my life right now. But he made me feel safe, which is just what I needed right now._

"_When we came to save you in Spokane, and the first time I saw you, I was so frightened that you might get consumed by this tragedy. All I wanted to do was hold you and tell you everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't," Dimitri said, his voice grave._

_I nodded. "You couldn't around all those people."_

"_No, I couldn't. No one would understand the connection we have. You are the only person who is able to see through me. Remember when you told me the I fight everyday to stay in control of my emotions?"_

_I cringed at the memory. That was the day we kissed, the day we started fighting with each other. If I wasn't so immature then we wouldn't have been mad at each other at all, maybe I wouldn't have told Mason anything and he would still be alive. "Yes. Look I'm-"_

"_You were right," he said cutting me off. "Every time I'm around you I fight to stay in control. No one can read me the way you can. And that scares me."_

_I turned my head up, and found him staring at me intently. I was about to look back down, suddenly shy, but he put his fingers under my chin and held my face still._

"_You scare me Roza," he whispered. And he bent his face down until our lips met for a tender kiss._

_He pulled away with a lot of strength, everything in his features told me that was the last thing he wanted to do. He looked into my eyes with regret. _

_I gave him a confused look. "What's wrong?"_

_He left out a long frustrate sigh. "I don't want to leave you."_

"_What do you mean? Where are you going?"_

_He pulled away from me and stood up, putting his hands out to pull me up as well. He brushed a piece of hair out of my face as he said, "I have to go, Roza. I'm in love with you. I shouldn't be and I shouldn't even being saying this to you, but I do love you. I've loved you since you tried to sneak up behind me after one of our training sessions." He gave me a sad smile. "I can't love you and be a guardian at the same time. I will jump in front of anything to save you. I wouldn't be able to put my life on the line for anyone but you."_

_I looked down feeling tears swell in my eyes. I blinked a couple of times willing them not to spill over. I couldn't cry right now. I had to be strong. I was the one who told him to take Tasha's offer anyways. "I know."_

_He groaned and walked away from me, pacing back and forth angrily. Then, out of nowhere, he stopped and walked up to me. Cupping my face he kissed me hard on the lips. "I can't, Roza. I can't do it," he breathed. _

_I smiled at him. "I should be yelling at you to go, but I can't. I don't want you to leave."_

_He smiled back down at me and kissed me again. "Take some time, and we'll start up training in a week or so, okay?"_

_I nodded. "Thanks Dimitri," I said pulling away from him and heading towards the gym doors. I turned around to see him still watching me. "Get ready for me to kick you ass."_

_I saw him smirk as I walked out into the cold breeze._

He gave me such false hope. He made me believe that he loved me enough to give up Lissa just to stay with me. He made me feel safe; he made me believe that he would be there with me to help me get over Mason's untimely death.

As I took Veda to daycare a couple weeks after the dinner, I realized that I never really thought about the sudden change in things. He told me he loved me so much that he couldn't leave me and yet he did.

I gave Veda a kiss on the cheek before letting her run off with her friends into the daycare center. Then I turned my heel and walked off towards the gym to get in some sparring before I had to go over Lissa's for wedding planning, well that and my job.

When I walked the first thing I saw was Dimitri, laughing with a guardian off in the corner of the gym. I headed in the opposite direction still wondering what the hell happened in those two days from him telling me he couldn't leave me, to tell me he was.

_I was in my dorm room looking at a picture of Mason and I that Lissa took for us at the hotel over winter break. His arm was draped around me as we both made a face at the camera. Lissa hated that we would never take a good picture together._

_I sighed looking at it as someone knocked on my door. I looked at my door surprised then took one last look at the photo before putting down on my desk and walking over to open my door._

_Dimitri stood on the other side. I smiled at him before I saw the guardian mask on his face. I immediately switched into business thinking this wasn't a social call._

_I step aside to let him in, and quickly checked in with Lissa to make sure nothing was wrong with her. She was with Christian in a classroom with Adrian practicing Spirit._

_I relaxed a little as I shut my door and turned around to look at Dimitri. "What happened?"_

_He wasn't looking at me when I turned around. I followed his gaze to my desk where the picture was. I looked back in time to see regret spread across his features before his mask composed him. "Nothing happened to anyone. Lissa is fine."_

_I nodded. "I know. I checked in on her when I saw your face. She's studying Spirit right now."_

_He nodded know thing already._

"_So what's going on then?"_

"_I came here to tell you that I'm leaving. I took Tasha's offer yesterday before she left to go back home."_

_My first instinct was to punch him in the face, but I checked myself knowing I would probably just get pinned to the ground before I even had time to launch myself at him. So, instead, I just stared at him, thinking this was some kind of sick joke, but his face showed that he wasn't kidding about anything._

_I bit my lip harder than I meant to that I actually started to taste blood. A took a deep breath, controlling my body and my emotions, putting on my own guardian appearance. "When do you leave?" I asked steadily._

"_In ten minutes," he said. He showed nothing, but I knew he was surprised that I could actually control my emotions when I wanted to._

"_Have you told Alberta yet? She will want to know she is losing a guardian and my teacher."_

_He nodded. "I came from telling her."_

_I almost laughed at the tension in the room. Almost. I took a deep breath to check myself and nodded. "Thanks for telling me comrade."_

"_Please, Rose, don't call me that," he pleaded. He slipped out of guardian mode long enough to see the pain in his face as he said those words. He wanted to leave; his body was aching to get away._

_I looked away from his face, not wanting to look at him anymore. "Well, thank you for telling me Guardian Belikov. I have to go check in with Lissa."_

_He nodded, slipping easily back into his guardian mask. I opened the door for him as he walked towards it. I shut the door right behind him and fell onto my bed, face down, and cried till the next day._

_I lost everything in the matter of a week._

My fist pounded into the punching bag, knocking it backwards fast. I kept going, alternating left than right, kick, left, right. The sweat started to pour down my face as I put as much force into each punch and each kick that I could muster.

Being around Dimitri just put so much hurt and anger back into my mind, I couldn't keep it under control. I had to let it go before I snapped. So each punch was my hatred. Each kick was my sorrow.

After about an hour of punching the life out the bag, I took a much need water break and wiped the sweat off of my face.

I took the bandages off of my hands to look at the damage. My right hand was bleeding not as badly as my left, then again I may have bruised or broken my left hand. It was throbbing in pain and already starting to swell.

Well at least my best friend is a spirit user.

I sat down on the bench keeping my left hand steady and away from me, hoping that if I didn't move it then the shooting pain would subside. I took a deep breath and tried to clench my fist. Flinching at the pain I decided that yes, it was broken and yes, I need to control my anger better.

Suddenly Dimitri was beside me holding out a bag of ice. I looked up at him and took the bag without saying a word and looked back at my swelling hand. I hissed when cold hit my hand. Damn fragile bones.

"Let me see your hand," Dimitri said crouching down in front of me.

I didn't realize he was still standing by me. I straightened up a little big and drew myself backwards a little bit. "It's broken, I know that. I'll just have Lissa heal it."

He shook his head. "I don't think it's broken. It may just be sprained. Let me see."

I reluctantly gave over my hand to him, rolling my eyes. "Even if it is sprained I'll just get Lissa to heal it. You really don't have to look at it."

He ignored me, looking intently at my hand. His touch was soft as he picked up my hand and rotated it. Watching him be so careful made chills run down my spine. When his fingers grazed over the dried blood on my hand I felt shocks of electricity between us.

He brought my hand down and bent his head over it, hair falling into his face. His hair hasn't changed much over the years, and it probably felt the same, but that didn't stop me from reaching my hand out wanting to push it back out of his face. I quickly stopped myself before my hand got close enough.

My hand dropped back to my side before Dimitri looked back up at me. His eyes were like warm chocolate the way he looked up at me with tender eyes. The way he looked at me now made me wonder if maybe, just maybe he still loved me. It reminded me of the time he did this back at the Academy before he left.

The memory made my hand jerk from him, causing me to hiss again. He didn't love me; he couldn't love me. He is with Tasha now. He has the chance to have a family with her. Even if he could have one with me right now, it's better if he was with someone closer to his age, someone more mature more grown up. Yes, I've changed a lot, but I'll never be able to control my temper and have rational actions all the time like Dimitri does. Our time to be together has passed. I have to get that through my mind.

Dimitri raised his eyebrow, but didn't touch my hand again. I mourned the loss of his touch, but quickly scolded myself for the thought. I've lived without his touch for four years. I felt like an addict now longing for him to touch me again.

"It's not badly sprained, but if Lissa doesn't heal it then you may not be able to use it for a couple week," he said standing up.

I nodded, putting my hands together like I could rub away the thought of his hands on mine. I sighed; I need to stop torturing myself.

After a couple minutes I looked up to see him still staring down at me. I stood up, still having to look up at him, and took a step to the side so I didn't feel trapped by his intoxicating smell; so his body wasn't right next to mine, where I could see it move with every breath. Standing there without moving, I felt like I was being pulled into his body, and I could tell he felt it too.

He watched me so intently, his eyes taking in my appearance. I saw his arms twitch when I moved to the side, like he was going to wrap his arms around me and pull me into him.

I backed up one more step for good measure and took a deep breath. "Thanks for looking at my hand. I'll have Lissa heal it for me."

He nodded slowly. "I think that would be for the best."

I looked at him for a moment longer, and then turned to make my way out of the gym. It took every ounce of control I had to not turn around and jump him right there in the middle of the gym.

When the cold air hit my face, I was able to think straight again. That was too close. Every fiber of my being wanted to have his arms around me, wanted to feel his hands cup my face as he kissed me passionately.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I headed off in the direction of Lissa's house, so that we could start planning her spring wedding.

As I walked down the stone pathways, I looked up at the sky replaying everything that just happened, when I stopped suddenly.

Déjà vu.

History seemed to be repeating itself.

* * *

><p>AN: I hope you liked that chapter. Now there is a reason why Dimitri changed his mind the way he did. Sure he may be an ass, or maybe there is a whole other reason. If you care to guess, go for it, I'll tell you if you're right or wrong. But for the person who can name the artist of the title I'll give them a little preview of what is going to happen through my story if you would care to know. I'll only tell the first person, no more no less. Well, unless no one gets it.


	5. All I Wanted

"Roza," a deep voice whispered in my ear, "it's time to get up."

I groaned, rolling over and throwing my pillow over my head. There was no way in how I was getting up before ten o'clock on the day I had off. No matter how godlike the man waking me up was, I was staying put.

I heard his muffle laugh through my pillow then felt the bed sink as he climbed back into bed with me. The pillow suddenly was ripped from my grasped. Momentarily blinded by the light, I was prepared for Dimitri's attack.

He was suddenly on top of me pinning my arms over my head as he straddled me so I couldn't wiggle free. I glared up at him wanting to punch that smirk off of his face. I really wasn't a morning person and he was playing that to his advantage.

"You really shouldn't stay up so late," he said playfully.

"Wasn't I the one who wanted to actually go to bed early for a change, but you kept preoccupying me?" I asked through my teeth. He was so going to pay.

He raised his eyebrow at my annoyance as his smile grew. "I believe it was the other way around Roza."

Oh right, I did practically jump him the moment we shut the bedroom and he turned his back. I looked sheepishly up at him. "Well, then I assumed you would be pretty tired yourself," I said slyly.

"Coffee cures just about anything," he said softly as his head bent down towards me. "But I wouldn't mind staying in bed longer with you."

I smiled up at him, knowing this was my opportunity to catch him off guard. His face lowered slowly, his eyes smiling down at me. No or never, I thought as I pushed my hips sideways, causing Dimitri to lose his upper hand. He collapsed heavily onto my bed as I quickly jumped up out of bed.

But Dimitri was never confused for long. Before I could even take one step, his strong hands wrapped around my waist pulling me back so that I fell back on top of him.

"Gotcha," he whispered in my ear.

I laughed spinning around in his arms so that I could look at him in the face. "Why can I never get away?"

He laughed pulling me up so that my whole body was on top of his and my face was only inches away from his. "If it makes you feel any better, you are the only person I know who could have made it out of that situation."

I smiled down at him. "Well, that's nice to know."

He gave me a half smile in return as one of his hands started to weave it's way through my hair, and his other hand traced a random pattern on my back. The hand in my hair added a little pressure to the back of my head urging me to kiss him.

I gave him a sly grin, willing myself to challenge him. But before I had time to even think about what I would do next, Dimitri raised his head and kissed me passionately on the lips.

My earlier restraint quickly faded away as my own hands started to weave their way through Dimitri's soft brown hair. I kissed him back with equal passion, and soon our kisses became hungry. His lips coaxed my lips apart as he rolled so that he was hovering over me again.

He held up most of his body weight with arms on either side of me. When I broke away for breath, his lips traced my jaw line, working their way down my neck and along my collarbone.

As he reached my shoulder, I put my hands on his face and forced him to kiss me on the mouth again, taking control of things. I wrapped my arm around his neck, puling him closer to me; feeling like I had to cling to him to believe that what was happening was real.

Dimitri broke away from me all to quickly, kissing my chin and neck again. I arched my back as his lips stopped at the base of my neck, where he then started to kiss diagonally up my neck to the sensitive stop under my ear.

I gave a breathless laugh as he kissed the angle of my jaw and my cheek where he stopped. He brought his face up so that his eyes could gaze into mine.

"Roza," he whispered bringing up his hand to brush a stray hair out of my face. "Roza," he mumbled as that hand caressed my cheek.

"Roza, Roza," his said softly like a prayer as his head began to lower to kiss me once more.

"Roza, Rose, Rose."

"Rose!" someone yelled, shaking me gently. "Rose, get up!"

I groaned squinting up at the person I was adding to the top of my list. Lissa was hovering over me, primped and ready for any business meeting that might come her way.

"What?" I asked irritably. "It's my day off. I don't have to wake up at all today." I rolled back over and pulled my covers over my head.

"You're up Veda," Lissa's muffled voice said.

Before I even had time to ask her what the hell she meant, a tiny girl jumped on top of me, pushing my shoulder into the bed so that I would bounce up and down.

"Mommy, mommy, wake up!" Veda's high-pitched voice called to me as Lissa pulled back my covers.

"What do you two want?" I groan pushing Veda gently into the space beside me. I squinted at the clock on the table beside my bed. It glared 7:30 too bright for any sane person to buy this clock.

"Dress shopping mommy!" Veda giggled as she jumped back up off my bed.

"Rose, remember today? It's December 13th. The day we are going dress shopping for my wedding? You know that day when Christian and I promise ourselves to each other till death do us part. That special day," Lissa said walking over to my window to pull back my curtains, blinding me further.

"Are you trying to kill me?" I asked flinging myself out of bed. "I'll be ready in ten minutes. Relax."

And fifteen minutes later, we were out the door and on our way to one of the many shops within the court.

When we walked in the door, the first thing I notice was all the white. So many white dress around the store. It would have put the _Say Yes to the Dress_ showroom to shame. I didn't, however, notice the person walking up to us with arms stretched out.

"Lissa there you are!" Tasha exclaimed pulling Lissa into a hug.

Lissa shot a wary look at me as I pulled Veda closer to me. Veda noticed my quick personality change, and became very serious herself. She was always seemed to understand my change in mood without even needing to question way. She understood that Tasha had something to do with it. Dimitri showed through her once again.

"Rose, Veda," Tasha said happily turning to look at me as I wrapped my arms around my daughter's shoulders. "Are you ready to try on dresses?"

Veda looked up at me with questioning eyes, seeming to ask me if she should like this lady in front of us. I gave her a stiff smile. She quickly retreated behind me, grabbing my hand as she did so.

"Veda?" Lissa asked looking worried.

I shook my head. "Don't worry, she's a little shy to strangers in the morning. Go get you're first dress for us," I said walking to the white couch placed in front of a pedestal and a mirror.

Veda positioned herself on my lap as Tasha sat down next to us.

"So," Tasha said cautiously, "what are you're plans for Christmas?"

My mind flashed back to the only Christmas I had ever spent with Tasha. Tasha, Lissa, Christian, Mason, my mother, and Dimitri all in the same room. It seemed like a lifetime ago and not four short years ago. Too much happened that year…

"My mother is supposed to fly in to spend the day with me and her granddaughter. She hasn't seen Veda for a couple of months," I said smoothing Veda's hair back.

"Adrian's not joining you? I figured he of all people would be the first person who would spend the day with you and Veda."

I turned my gaze to Tasha to see her looking at Veda curiously. I quickly stood Veda up. "Honey, why don't you go look for a dress for your Auntie Lissa?"

"Really momma?" she asked looking excitedly up at me.

I smile down at her. "As long as I can see you, go wherever you want."

As soon as Veda skipped blissfully out of earshot, I lowered my voice to Tasha. "What Adrian does with us is none of your business."

"I didn't mean to offend you, I only thought with Adrian being Veda's father, he would want to be there with her during the holidays. Unless, of course, there is a Moroi in his life now."

I laughed humorlessly, not taking my eyes off Veda as she pulled a dress out with both hands. "Tasha, do me a favor and please keep your questions to how my day has been and the weather. Because those are the only two things you have a right to ask me about."

Tasha remained silent until Lissa came out wearing dress number one. It was a corset fit to the top of her hipbones, and then flowed out into a ball gown.

"Lissa, you look like a princess," Tasha said in awe.

"No," I said shaking my head.

"Rose! It's not your decision on what she wears. It's not your day. It's Lissa's. And if she loves the dress than you should tell her how beautiful she looks and not regret it without hearing what she has to say," Tasha scolded.

"I think you should go with something more form-fitting," I said ignoring her. "This one isn't you at all, and will never be."

Lissa nodded, seeming to ignore Tasha as well. "You're right," she said after a couple minutes looking at herself. "I feel like I'm being swallowed whole by this dress."

Lissa stepped off the platform and smiled at me before returning to the changing room.

"Unless," Tasha said as soon as the door closed, "Adrian isn't Veda's father at all. I mean she looks nothing like him, and doesn't seem to have his personality at all. If I didn't know any better I'd say she acted exactly how I would expect Dimka's child to act."

I fingers started to dig into the couch as she used Dimitri's Russian nickname. Hell with her. She thinks it's impossible that Dimitri could have conceived a child with me. Well, while that should be true, it isn't. So HA!

What I would do to see her face if I told her that her precious Dimka, is the father of my daughter. Yep, we were together for one night and now have a beautiful daughter. You've been with her everyday for five years and still haven't been able to start a romantic relationship from what I hear.

"Well, as you have kindly stated, that is impossible. Veda is her own person. She doesn't act like either of her parents all the time. And if you don't believe that Adrian is the father, well then there is nothing I can do to prove to you that he is short of DNA testing, so go with your gut on this one. But watch out, there are a lot of outside forces that like to punch you in that gut to knock the wind out of you," I said crossing my legs smiling.

"You know Tasha, I used to respect you. I used to think you were different from all the other royals around court. I thought you actually had some brain cells that haven't been contaminated by tradition. But now that you're back, trying to figure out every little detail of my life for your own personal use, I realized that you are just as bad as all the other royals who have asked me a million question about Veda and who the father is, and, no matter what I say, they come up with their own theories believing it to be the truth.

"So go ahead. Adrian's not the father, Dimitri actually is. Quick print it in the newspaper! I can see the headline now, _Lady Oreza Discovers the Truth in the Hathaway Mystery!_" I exclaimed through my hands in the air. "Think what you want to about my family, and my life, but never mention who you think the father is around my daughter, or I will personally see you out of this court in one piece or in a body bag. I'm very flexible."

The door opened as I finished quickly. Lissa came out in strapless that had straps that went around her forearm. It fit her closely till her waist when it flowed out and ruffled up.

"Getting there," I said standing up and walking around Lissa. "I like the way it flows out a little bit, but I just was the dress to really hug your curves, you know?"

"I don't have any curves," Lissa said shaking her head.

I rolled my eyes, smiling at her. "You have just enough."

"Auntie Lissa, Auntie Lissa, try this one!" Veda said dragging a dress still in the bag behind her.

Lissa smiled down at her and took the dress. "I'll try it on right now."

Ten minutes of awkward silence, Lissa emerged in a cap-sleeved dress, with a sweetheart cut. It hugged her body until her thighs where it gracefully flowed out, with a small train. There were bead in different spots all over the dress. It was perfect.

"That's it," I said smiling at her. "Baby, you did an amazing job," I whispered to Veda sitting in my lap.

She giggled. "You're beautiful, Auntie Lissa," she said smiling up at the princess before us.

Tasha sniffed loudly as she said, "You have got to be the most beautiful bride this court has ever seen."

Lissa smile grew as she saw my eyes getting misty. "This is definitely the one if it's making Rose cry."

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry it took so long to do this chapter, and that it is so short, but I needed a filler chapter. Basically I needed everyone to understand what Tasha's role is in this story. She's not a good guy, like in the books as it seemed. I needed this one in there to show that not everyone believes that Adrian is the father, and that little seed of doubt in some people's mind with blossom into a whole tree of problems for Rose. Anyways I just have to finish editing a chapter in one of my other stories and then I will get back to this story in about a day.


	6. Reckless Abandonment

I caught my breath as I fell backwards onto the mat. I looked up sideways at my attacker; sweat pouring down my face and strands of hair sweeping in front of my eyes. I looked into his eyes, dark and brown. They were staring at me intently; with an emotion I couldn't quiet understand.

I looked at my attacker, taking in his size, trying to figure out the best way to attack him next. It was difficult, though. The way he was looking at me, told me he was faster than me that he could predict what I was going to do.

That's the worst thing about sparring against your old mentor. It's even worse if that old mentor is an ex-lover. They understood you better, they knew all your moves because they are the ones who taught them too you. They tended to be a lot older than you, more experienced, and stronger.

Dimitri towered over me, his hands flashing towards me to pin me to the ground. My window of opportunity was closing, fast. When he left his stomach open, as he fell forward to trap me, I kneed him causing him to flip over me. Before I had time to stand up, he twisted and grabbed my ankles, dragging me to the floor with him.

I wiggled my body around so that I was facing him again. His face inches from mine as he locked my wrists above my head. We were both breathing hard by this point, looking deep into each other's eyes. I tried not to be so conscience about the way his legs firmly wrapped around mine, or his slightly parted lips hovering over my own. I tried not to think about his soft hair spilling over his face, or his strong arms keeping me in place.

I tried not to think, but it didn't work.

"Give up, Roza," he said softly so that only I could hear him speak my Russian name.

I took a deep breath in, contracting my muscles getting ready to use them all at once. "No," I grunted, thrusting the whole right side of my body upward to flip him over on his back.

My wrists slid free from his grasp as he rolled to his side and I got the upper position. I quickly straddled him and grabbed the stake that laid just inches above his head.

I leaned right into his heart with it so that my face was now just above his. "I never give up. You of all people should no that about me," I whispered as strands of my hair fell onto his face.

Murmur broke out around us. I looked up finally registering that everyone had stopped what they were doing in the gym to watch a mentor and his old student duke it out.

One of my friends, Michael, came and pulled me off of Dimitri, clapping my hard on the back as he did so. "I knew you'd beat him Rose. You're the best guardian around here."

I rolled my eyes at him, grabbing my towel off of the bench and throwing it around my neck. "We know each other too well. He could have easily beaten me if he didn't decide to gloat about it."

"I was wondering what he was whispering to you," he said tossing a bottle of water to me. "You have to be careful Rose."

I looked up at him after taking a nice long swig. "What do you mean Michael?"

He looked over his shoulders and pulled me to the corner of the gym out of everyone's way. "You know exactly what I mean Rose," he said in a hushed voice. "I know I'm one of the few who know about Veda's father, but soon people are going to question you and Adrian more than they already do."

I shook my head and looked over to Dimitri, who was talking to some of his old buddies from his time at the Academy. Anyone with half a brain could guess that Dimitri was Veda's real father. But because of science, no one would even consider it. Too bad I defy science.

Shortly after getting assigned to Lissa at Court, Michael had taken it upon himself to show me the ropes of how everything worked around here. He would take Veda and I out to dinner a few times a week, trying to help a single mother settle into court life.

He was at our first Christmas dinner at court, the first time I had seen Dimitri since the Strigoi attack, since I conceived the daughter he never knew he had. Of course, he never saw Veda. She was only a year old and hadn't been to sleep for 24 hours, so she was in her crib in my house fast asleep finally.

"_Michael, stop eating the stuffing! Lissa's going to kill you if you mess this up for her," I said laughing as I hit his hand away._

_He flashed me a smile as he put the last bit on his finger in his mouth. "Why is there so much food for the four of us?"_

_I shrugged. "I think she said there may be two other's joining us. She never mentioned who, though."_

"_It's probably Adrian," he said making a face._

_Michael never liked Adrian and I together. He thought Adrian wouldn't understand the life Veda will be exposed to in a couple of years. Michael thought Adrian's immaturity would rub off on Veda and get her expelled, or killed._

_I always rolled my eyes at him, knowing full well already that Veda was every bit as much of her father as she should be. Of course, I knew that Dimitri was her father and not Adrian. Adrian's personality would never really rub off on her._

"_Be nice Michael," I scolded. "But that' still leaves us with one more person."_

"_Maybe the Queen."_

"_Yeah, that will happen when hell freezes over," I said laughing as the doorbell rang._

_As I made my way around the island, Michael shoved me to the side smiling as he made his way out the door before me. I gritted my teeth and jumped on his back hoping it would take him by surprise._

_It didn't._

_He only laughed and run through the living room, into the foyer with me wrapping my arms around his neck laughing as well._

"_Rose Hathaway, I see you haven't changed a bit," Tasha Oreza said smiling at us._

"_Lady Oreza," Michael said becoming professional at once. I slid down his back slowly, hoping that I could hide behind him for the rest of the evening. Michael immediately shifted to block me from view, sensing my wariness._

"_Tasha," Lissa said happily although she was screaming apologize to me through the bond. _I swear I didn't think they would actually come! Tasha has been talking about visiting us every week since we moved here! We thought she would never come to court! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! If you want to leave you can, I don't blame you, just please don't be mad at me Rose!

"_Tasha, this is Guardian Weiss. He will be joining us tonight, along with Guardian Hathaway," she said formally waving her hand over to Michael, who completely shielded me from view._

Rose I'm so sorry, but please don't hide!_ Lissa said._

"_Guardian Weiss, this is Lady Oreza, Christian's aunt. And this is her guardian" _I'm sorry Rose, I'm so sorry! "_Guardian Belikov."_

"_Nice to finally meet you, Guardian Belikov," Michael said stepping out to shake his hand, leaving me exposed._

_Dimitri hadn't changed since that night in the cabin in the woods. His face was still strong and his hair barely touched him shoulders. His body was jacked, of course, and his eyes were a warm brown._

_He nodded at Michael as the shook hands and then he turned to me. His eyes widened a little as he took in my appearance. I was wearing a red dress that clung to my curves perfectly since I lost all the baby weight. My face was thinner, though, lines and dark circles under my eyes due to lack of sleep. My hair was a little shorted with many layers._

"_Guardian Belikov," I said shortly, nodded my head towards him._

_Michael look at him, and than looked at me. He knew that Dimitri used to be my mentor back at the Academy until he decided to go and work for Tasha. But the story he knew, that everyone at Court knew, was that we were very close. We had had our differences, but people who knew us together at the Academy would have thought I would run up to him and hug him, or at least smile at him. Instead I gave him a hello that was cold and short, as though he was Viktor Dashkov._

"_Guardian Hathaway," Dimitri said nodding back to me. "It's nice to see you again."_

_I looked towards Lissa and than to Michael, or was staring at me with an odd expression. I cocked my head to the side a little bit trying to figure out what he just realized._

What's wrong with Michael, Rose?_ Lissa asked me through the bond._

_I looked over to her and shook my head before turning my gaze right over Dimitri to Michael again._

_Lissa than announced that dinner should be ready soon and everyone started to make their way to the dining room. I barely got a step before Michael grabbed my arm holding me back. Dimitri glanced over his shoulder at us before continuing on his way._

"_Michael, what' wrong?" I asked turning around to face him._

"_I've heard the all the rumors about you, a lot of stories of how you two were around each other. Especially the way things changed after Viktor had kidnapped Lissa. No one really believed them, though, because of Dimitri's reputation. They knew what he was like, and they knew how you acted. No one ever thought…"_

_My eyes grew wide. "Michael what are you saying? What have you heard about us?"_

_He looked up at me. "Us. There shouldn't be an 'us' between a mentor and his student. Rose, what have you gotten yourself into?"_

_I grabbed his arms and shook him a little bit. "_Michael_ what the hell are you trying to say here? There was never an 'us'. Dimitri's reputation should tell you that. He was always professional and if it wasn't for him I probably would have never graduated the Academy."_

"_If it wasn't for him, Rose," he said in a harsh whisper, "you probably wouldn't have a daughter either."_

_My hands lost their grip on his arms and fell swiftly to my sides. "What did you just say?"_

_Michael shook his head. "I can't believe no one has never questioned you on Veda's father. That people would believe that it was Adrian that easily. Everyone knows you two were flirty with each other, but how could anyone not see that it was Dimitri how got there first!"_

"_Hey!" I said raising my voice._

"_Well, come on Rose!" he said pulling me further down the hallways away from the dining room. "It's obvious. When he saw you, his whole features changed. Then I did the math. Veda was born on February 23. Almost nine months to the day after the Stirogi attacked the Academy." _

"_What's your point?" I asked cross my arms and looking down the hallway to make sure no one was coming._

"_I know for a fact Dimitri was there that day. You know I've known Alberta for a long time. She told me how Dimitri came back to help with the attack, that he was the only person who could keep you sane after the spirit overtook your body._

"_She had also contacted me shortly after Mason was killed. Tasha had requested a guardian, however, the one she had chosen had back out saying his student needed him more at the moment because she was going through a hard time, killing the two Stirogi who murdered her friend in front of her. Alberta wouldn't give me a name, but she called me back a day later saying the guardian changed his mind because he realized the opportunity Tasha was giving him."_

_Michael looked down at the ground taking a deep breath. "She has his eyes, Rose."_

_It was all I could take. I simply walked over to the wall and slid down it so that I was now sitting staring at my shoes. How could I be so stupid? I should have known that if people ever saw Veda with Dimitri they would put everything together. Just because dhampirs should be able to procreate with each other doesn't mean that being shadow kissed can't make that untrue. _

_Michael walked over and took a seat beside me. "Does Adrian know?"_

_I laughed despite myself. "Adrian and I have never had sex. He was with me the whole time knowing that who Veda's real father was. Adrian decided to save me and claim Veda for his own. He knew that Dimitri abandoned me when I needed him most, twice. Adrian had seen what it did to me, what finding out I was pregnant when I was 18 did to me. He wanted to be there for me, to help care for my daughter and myself. He really is a great guy, Michael._

_We didn't say anything for a couple of minutes. I listened to the steady breathing of Veda through the baby monitor that I had in my back pocket._

"_How is it even possible?" Michael finally asked._

_I shrugged. "No one is really sure, but something about being shadow kissed is probably the reason why."_

_He put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. "You're secret it save with me Rose. Don't worry. I won't let him hurt you again. I promise," he whispered, kissing my forehead._

"People have been questioning who Veda's real father is since the moment we arrived at court, Michael. No one has figured it out besides the few people I've told," I said pushing through the doors of the gym leaving Dimitri and my past behind.

"I figured it out, though. And soon other people are going to, if he doesn't figure it out first."

I took a deep breath and squinted up at him. "He won't believe the truth. He never will. Trust me when I tell you, Dimitri will deny everything because he only believes in what is right. Everything else gets pushed under the rug."

Later that day Lissa was out with Christian and Tasha, around court so no one needed back up when it was everywhere. I had the night to myself because Adrian promised to watch Veda for me. It was the first time I was alone in months.

After taking a hot bubble bath and making some microwave popcorn in a pair of boxers and my Penn State football shirt, I made my way over to the couch for a nice night of watching all the movies I can never watch with Veda around. Anything not Disney was not acceptable in this household.

I hit the play button as the DVD screen faded into the previews that play before every movie, when a knock came on the door. I placed the bowl beside me as I got up and moved to the door.

Dimitri stood, leaning against the doorframe looking as relaxed as he could be even though he looked as though he was a statue at the same time.

"Dimitri, what are you doing here?"

"I heard that Veda was with Adrian tonight and I thought maybe we could talk," he said softly as he pushed himself up.

"Talk about what?" I asked crossing my arms and sticking out my hip.

"Talk about our situation. We have to learn how to act around each other if I move to court with Tasha."

"I think we are acting as civil as ever considering our past. So there really isn't anything to talk about."

"Roza," he said taking a step into my house, "please."

I took a deep breath and stepped aside. He took another step inside before I grabbed his arm and spun him around as I shut the door behind him. His body was inches away from mine. I could feel the warmth coming off of him, as he tensed under my touch.

I tilted my head up to look at him in the eyes. "Don't call me Roza again," I said coolly as I stepped around him and led him into the living room.

He shortly joined me on the couch as I turned off the TV to and turned to look at him once again. "So, talk."

"Rose, we can't act like our presence don't affect each other," he said softly looking straight into my eyes.

I narrowed my own. "Dimitri, with everything we have been through in the short years we have known each other we should be able to act civil around each other and not let each other effect our work. I do not believe that your presence has any affect on me anymore. I was shocked at first, and I a little angry at you, but since our first meeting a couple of months ago, I believe I have been able to treat you like I treat all my other coworkers."

"Except for Michael," he pointed out keeping his guardian mask on, even though I knew my words hurt him.

"What about Michael?" I asked taken aback.

"I'm surprised Adrian hasn't tried to get him reassigned to a Royal who doesn't stay at court. The way you two act around each other hasn't changed a bit."

"And how do we act around each other?"

"Like you are together."

I laughed. He never understood me in that aspect. "Dimitri if I didn't know any better I would say that you were jealous."

"Why would I be jealous of the men in your life? I have my own life to live now," he said coldly, turning his head to look down my hallway.

I gritted my teeth. _Calm down. He's just trying to get to you._ "Speaking of your life, how is Tasha?"

"She's fine," he said shortly.

"I'm surprised that you don't have any children with her. I thought that was why you left me in such a short notice. Because you wanted a family."

"Well, some people who are responsible wait until they are in love and married to make their family the right way."

I shot out of my seat and walked over to my kitchen. I had to almost bite through my lip from spitting back at him that he's the one who didn't wait to make a family the 'right way'. That he is the one who didn't wait till he was married to knock me up.

I paced around my kitchen with my hands on my hips looking up at the ceiling. It took every once of will I had not to jump over to counter and attack him. What gives him the right to make a crack about my family, when his mother in a bloodwhore? When my own mother had me out of wedlock? What gives him the right to judge my life when he was the one who abandoned his own child?

Dimitri took a deep breath and walked over to the counter. "Rose, I'm sorry. I had no right to say any of that. I just… I have a hard time dealing with what I did to you all those years ago. I hate the way I left things."

"Which time," I asked through my teeth with my back still facing him.

"Both times. I couldn't even begin to tell you how hard it was the first time to leave you. It nearly killed me, but the second time!" I saw him throw his arms up in the arm and begin pacing up and down my living room through the reflection on the oven. I slowly turned around to watch him.

He looked up at me on his way back to the counter. "Rose, I never wanted to leave you. I loved you so much; it felt like there was hole in my chest when I left you the second time. You meant the world to me."

"Then why did you leave me?" I whispered.

He stopped short. The answer to my question seemed to be on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say it. He wanted to, I could tell, but something was holding him back. Almost like he didn't want to admit in the truth, that he was afraid of something.

He took a deep breath and hung his head. "I don't know why," he finally said softly.

I threw my hands up in the arm. "That's just it, though, isn't it? Something made you leave me both times without even saying goodbye, and now here you are back in my life demanding to know everything about it!"

"I'm not demanding anything Rose. I just want to know if your feelings were even true!"

"What's that supposed to me?" I yelled back.

He took a couple steps towards me and stared deeply into my eyes. "It means that I know what I did to you was horrible, but clearly it wasn't that big of a deal because you had a child shortly after we were over."

"Do you think I planned to get pregnant? Do you think I was skipping around school thinking to myself, 'huh, maybe I should get pregnant by someone other than the man I love. That would be a good joke on him and our relationship'?"

"No, but-"

"But what Dimitri?"

He turned his head towards the entrance, taking a deep breath as he did so. Then he looked back at me. We stood there for a heartbeat just staring at each other. Then suddenly he cupped my face in his hands and pulled me towards him.

Before I could even register what was happening, his lips crashed to mine pulling me closer and closer to him.

And nothing made sense in the world.


	7. This Is The End

A/N: Okay I'm trying something a little different this chapter. I'm going to be having flash backs, but it's going to be parts of what happened with Dimitri. I hope you guys like it.

I don't own anything

* * *

><p><em>He smiled to himself as the door shut behind her. Even though his mind was telling him that he shouldn't have told her any of that that he should have kept it to himself so that she could perhaps move on with her life. His heart told him that he is never going to find someone like her.<em>

_She is it for him. She is the one he is supposed to be with. There is no one else for him, and he would never be happy-truly happy-without her._

_He shook his head, knowing he sounded crazy. Dhampirs weren't supposed to care about love and happiness. They were only supposed to care about Moroi. _They come first_. That saying has been ingrained in his mind since he was a boy. Now he was going to throw it all away for a teenage girl. Crazy, yes, but who ever said love was sane?_

_He sighed, bending down to pick up his book. Laughing from the corner of the gym snapped him out of his daze and put him on alert. He spun around to face the person now walking towards him._

_She had a smile full of a hundred secrets. The scars on her face made that smile all the more threatening. "I always took you as a smart man Dimka. You're one of the best guardians out there. You never let anything get in your way of being the best that you can be."_

_She laughed, rolling her eyes as she stopped right in front of him. "Then you found Rose Hathaway and Lissa Dragomir. Who would have thought that a teenage girl would make Dimitri Belikov turn his back on the guardian ways?"_

_He took a step back from her. If she just saw what happened between him and Rose, they she could get him fired. She could ruin everything for Rose. Rose would never be able to guardian Lissa if they found out that she and Dimitri are having an affair-if that's what you can even call what's going on between them._

_The guardians wouldn't be able to handle the fact that he and Rose were in love. In many cases, when two dhampirs fall in love, the heads try to split them apart, which in turn causes dhampirs to run away with each other and go mainstream._

_He couldn't let her do anything to his Roza because he know that she could never sit back and let someone else watch Lissa. She would probably try to run away again. "What do you want Lady Oreza?" he asked coolly._

_Her smile faltered a little being called by her formal name. She straightened up a little. "I've already told you what I wanted Dimka. I want you to become my guardian, to have a life and maybe even a family with me."_

"_I've already declined your offer. I am needed here."_

"_There are plenty guardians here to look after all of the _students_," she stressed. "Dimitri I am offering you something most guardians only dream about. Why can't you see that?"_

_His gaze immediately followed the door Rose just went out of. He didn't dream about having a family with Tasha. His only dream was having a family with the woman he truly loved, and that was Rose._

_Tasha followed his gaze and shook her head. "You'll never have a future with her Dimka. You both are so optimistic. It's frowned upon, and it's illegal. It can't happen."_

"_All do respect Lady Oreza, but what happens in my personal life is none of your business," he said professionally. His guardian mask was on, giving away no emotions._

"_But you see Dimitri that's where you are wrong. You are a guardian and you don't have a personal life. _Moroi_ come first, your love life doesn't."_

_She took a deep breath, her eyes suddenly becoming soft and full of sympathy. She took a step closer to him, placing a hand on his arm. "If you love her Dimitri, as you claim you do, you'll think about her future. She cannot have one with you, and her career would be greatly hurt by this little fling you have going on. If the other guardians found out, well let's just say any chance she had guarding Lissa when she graduates would no longer exist."_

_He shrugged out her of reach. "We can figure it out. We can make it work."_

_She seemed taken aback when he actually admitted to the relationship, but she quickly gained control again. "You can't Dimka. You think that you can, but it's not possible. The other guardians won't stand for it. You know how they look at dhampir relationships. You will be fired for the student-mentor relationship."_

_He shifted his gaze. If he were fired, he could be with Rose. But he couldn't just stand by and watch as Rose was out there fight Strigoi. He couldn't stand the thought of her being in danger._

"_Just work for me Dimitri and everything between you and Rose will just be a rumor. No one will know the truth. You can both keep your job, and you both can have a chance to start your own family."_

_He turned his back on her. He knew she was right. He should just take the job and deal with the fact that he could never be with her. He could never have a life with Roza, his only love._

_She came up behind and put her chin on his shoulder. "Soon you'll be able to move on. When that happens you'll realize that you made the right decisions. She's young; she doesn't know what she wants yet. You will be doing her a favor."_

It was almost like he never left. My hard rested on his cheek, and his arms wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to him. His tongue urged my mouth open and soon our tongues were fighting for dominance.

Everything was perfect. Then the phone rang.

I pushed him back feeling like someone poured a bucket of cold water over my head finally waking me up from this dream. Everything hit me. I was kissing the father of my child, the guy who left me-twice.

The phone kept ringing.

Our eyes were locked. Dimitri opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something, but he couldn't think of the words. He ran his hands though his hair and let out a long breath.

My hands clutched the counter behind me so hard I felt as though I would break it off. My breath was ragged and my hair was everywhere. The phone continued to ring in the background, but I couldn't even register the fact that my feet had to move in order to answer it. My judgment was clouded. I didn't know what to do.

"Roza," Dimitri said softly taking a step towards me.

Finally something clicked in my mind. I quickly took a step backwards, holding most of my weight up by clinging to the island with one hand.

He stopped, looking almost hurt that I would act this way. I really didn't care, though. All I knew is that it couldn't happen again.

I couldn't believe that I let that happen. I let him kiss me. I let myself feel for him again. My emotions were getting the best of me again. I had to keep them in check or else another child could come out of this equation and he will leave without knowing… again.

"Roza-" he started again taking another step towards me with his arm outreached

"No Dimitri, stop." I rubbed my eyes, trying to clear my head and make sense of everything. "Just please don't come any closer."

He stopped, placing his hands down on the counter in front of him and hung his head. "Rose, please hear me out."

I shook my head and continued to back up till my back hit the refrigerator. There needed to be as much space between us as possible. "Dimitri we don't have to talk about this. It was a mistake, just one big mistake. Let's just leave it at that, okay?"

He picked up his head and watched me. His eyes didn't leave mine for what seemed like hours. Then he looked back down at the counter, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't think I can."

"I don't think we have a choice," I whispered.

"But we do, Rose, we do!" he exclaimed taking three strides over to me and gripping my shoulders. "We can start over, forget everything that has happened between us, and be together."

I shoved his hands off of me. "We can't," I said walking away from him. "I can't forget what has happened between us, I won't forget. You left me to be with Tasha, twice. So do me a favor Dimitri; stop forgetting that fact."

_He had left. Why would he leave? Didn't he just promise her that he couldn't leave her? That was before, though. Before Tasha had found out, and caused the heartbreak. Not a day went by when he didn't think of her or miss her. There wasn't a day where he couldn't feel her lips still on his._

_Now he was back. Back to where it all began, back to where it all ended. The academy._

_He was called from his duty in Wyoming to help with the Strigoi attack that had happened here. The first thing he heard as he stepped of the plane was Rose's name. He heard what she and Christian had done during the first wave of the battle. While he was in awe of all the Strigoi she killed, he couldn't believe that Christian was out there with her. It was reckless. It was irresponsible._

"_Guardian Belikov, nice to see you again," Alberta said holding out her hand._

"_Guardian Petrov, nice to see you too," he said shaking her hand. "What's this I hear about Rose and Christian fighting the Strigoi?"_

_She held up her hand, shaking her head. "Before you get angry you should know that it was amazing to see them fight together. They were so aware of each other that not one Strigoi got past them. They are the reason that none of those demons got any children on the lower campus."_

"_I've never been prouder of Rose," Alberta said smiling. "She fought a lot like you."_

_Dimitri could feel the hole in his heart grow as he heard that. He yearned to see her face, to see her smile, to look into her deep brown eyes. He yearned to hold her and kiss her and let her know how much he loved her._

_He nodded. "Thank you for telling me that. I'm glad my training stuck with her. Who, may I ask, is training her now?" he asked keeping his guardian face on._

"_I am," she said proudly. "She has come along very well."_

_He gave her a quick nod before taking his leave. He wondered to the lower campus hoping that Roza was still there with Christian._

"_We've gotta find another one," he heard Rosa say._

"_There are no others," he said slowly walking out into the open._

_He saw her the color drain out of her face as she looked into my eyes. He saw all the hurt he caused her when he left in her eyes. He hated that he caused her that much pain. He hated that he just couldn't go up to her and take her into my arms and kiss her like we were going to die tomorrow. He wanted her to know that she meant the world to me._

_She screamed all her pain to him in the woods. She told him about being Shadow Kissed. She told him how scared she was. He realized that she needed him now more than ever. How could he have left right after Mason died? And now she was seeing his ghost, or she thought she was._

_He pulled her into him when she calmed down. He told her that she never should have had to go through this by herself. Dimitri told her that he would never have everything and when she looked up at him, he knew that she understood everything he said and she felt the same way._

_That's just how they were. They were so connected with each other that with just one look they could read each other's emotions and thoughts so clearly that they didn't need to ask questions. They just knew._

_It was easy. Love was supposed to be easy._

_When he kissed her, everything melted away. All of the problems that were surround them; all of his troubling thoughts just disappeared._

_He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled his Roza closer into him, like he couldn't bare any amount of distance. She backed him into a tree and kissed him hungrily. Dimitri kissed her back just as passionately, wanting nothing more than time to stop._

_He pulled back for air, brushing a stray hair out of Rose's face. He let his fingers trace her jaw as he looked deeply into her eyes. "I love you, Roza. I never stopped loving you, and I never will." He bent down to whisper in her ear, "Remember that."_

_She smiled grabbing his hand. "I'll never stop loving you either Dimitri. You're the only one who understands me, no matter how crazy I get," she said pulling him deeper into the woods._

_He was about to ask where they were going when he saw the cabin guardians used to use and Tasha used this past winter as her own place. As Rose led them inside, he wondered if she knew what she was doing, if she really was ready for everything to change. She wasn't 18 yet, and she technically was his student._

_What would happen if someone found them? What if Tasha somehow found out? Would she expose them like she once threatened? All of this ran through Dimitri's head as Rose shut the door behind them._

_He walked towards the center of the small room trying to think of something to say so that he could leave without hurting her feelings. He didn't want to leave, in fact he wanted to do the exact opposite, but he knew he couldn't stay._

_He felt her hand on his shoulder, urging him to turn around. He complied, slowly; ready to tell him they couldn't do this when he was expected back in Wyoming tomorrow. But when he looked into Rose's eyes and tipped her head back, smiling, every worry rushed out of his head._

_He bent down and kissed her like it was the last time he ever would. He loved her so much; he wanted to show her just how much._

_But then the sun rose, and reality set in. Tasha was expecting him back, and no matter what excuse he made, he knew she would know exactly why he was staying. He couldn't do that to Rose. He couldn't let his selfish ways cost her the guardianship that she always wanted._

_Dimitri looked down at her sleeping form, admiring her beauty one last time before getting up to get dressed. It took every once of strength he could muster to not climb back into the warm bed with her and pull her into him._

_He knew she would hate him; that the next time they would face each other she would be a guardian and probably won't look into his eyes. He knew that when he next saw her, she would have a man who loved her and wouldn't be a threat to her job. She would move on; she's the strongest person he knows. She would have the strength to move on with her life._

_His hand rested on the doorknob. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening up the door to reality, where everything in here would be forgotten. He took one last glance back at the love of his life before he took a step out into the world, knowing that his life would never be the same._

Dimitri took a deep breath, looking down at his shoes. "I could never forget that fact, Rose. My decision has haunted me every day."

I took a deep breath, my gazing shifted towards the foyer. "So you understand why we can't just forget everything and start over?"

He nodded, but then looked up into my eyes and took a step towards me. "But Rose we can move past it. I am willing to show you how much you mean to me. I don't care how long it takes for you to trust me again, but I will not leave this time. I will stay and show you just how much I love you, and how I have never stopped loving you."

I shook my head slowly. "I don't know if I can give you that chance. I'm not worried about my own emotions anymore Dimitri. I have to worry about Veda too. If you were to become a big part of our lives and then Tasha decides to move, you will be force to leave with her and leave us behind. I won't have Veda feel the pain of you leaving like I have had to."

"Rose," he said, his voice pleading to be heard, "if Tasha were to move, I would asked to be reassigned. I could never leave you or Veda, even if she isn't my daughter. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Rose? Dimitri?" Lissa's voiced called as the front door opened.

"In here," I yelled, my eyes not leaving Dimitri's.

"Mommy!" Veda screamed, launching herself at me. I laughed and picked her up as she kissed me on the cheek. "Lady Oreza said she has exciting news to share!"

I glanced over at Dimitri, my smile wavering. "Really?"

"Yes, I wanted to share it with everyone," she said walking over to Dimitri and looping her arm through his.

"I'm pregnant."


	8. The One That Got Away

"_I'm pregnant."_

The words rang in my ears. Almost like this was curse. A curse for how much I love him; how many dreams I've had that we could be a family. For the moment I first met him I knew it was forbidden, that it should never happen. Every time I saw him, though, I saw how different he was, how much good he had in him.

I was cursed from the beginning to fall madly in love with him.

I rubbed my hands over my face, staring at the full moon in front of me. Somehow I found the strength in me to hug Tasha and wish her congratulations on getting the life I should have had. Somehow I found the strength to calmly walk Veda and I out of my own home to clear my mind.

She was now leaning against me, fighting to keep her little eyes open. I rolled my eyes and laughed as I picked her up letting her rest her head against my shoulder.

Veda always knew when I needed time alone with my thoughts. She rarely complained. Something she certainly did not inherit from me. Veda could comfort me by just curling up next to me.

As I walked home I couldn't get over how much of Dimitri I saw in her. In many ways it bothered me that he couldn't see the likeness himself. Probably because I would not let him alone with her fearing that he would figure it out. However, it was so obvious I'm surprised no one put two and two together.

I rolled my eyes at myself. It was because dhampirs weren't supposed to reproduce with each other. So why would anyone look at my little girl and think that her father was the most respected guardian out there.

I reached my steps to find someone sitting on my stoop with their head in their hands. As I approached I could make out Dimitri's strong shoulders and his dark brown hair sweeping over his hands.

Veda was asleep now on my shoulder, so I sat down carefully trying not to wake her. "Hey," I said softly knocking my knee against his trying to ignore the electric shock I felt, "are you okay?"

He shook his head, still in his hands. "No Rose, I'm really not," he said, his voice muffled. He took a deep breath and sat up to look at me. "I don't understand how this happened. I never wanted to have a child with Tasha. I don't love her. I never have."

I bit my lip looking back up at the moon. "Then you shouldn't have slept with her."

"That's the thing Rose, I don't remember sleeping with her."

"That's impossible Dimitri. A woman can't get pregnant without a worthless man. Trust me." I shut my eyes realizing how horrible that was, but in my case it was the truth. "I'm sorry. That was out of line."

"No Rose, I deserved that. I was worthless to you because I just left. And the guy who did this to you," he said waving to us, "must not have been much better if he's not around."

"To be far, I never told him about Veda. He was gone before I knew I was pregnant and I didn't want to force him into something he wouldn't feel comfortable at."

"Rose that's a man's duty. We are supposed to take care of our family and provide support for his child."

"Well," I scoffed, "I'm surprised this guy hasn't figured it out for himself. I see so much of him in Veda, it's incredible."

He cocked his head and leaned back. "So the guy who got you in trouble is at court."

_Oh shit._ "No, no I never said that. It's just I've seen him a couple of times since Veda's been born."

He raised his eyebrow not believing me for a second. "Rose, you need to tell this man. He has to start taking responsibility for his actions. It's why I will stay with Tasha."

"I know I need to, and I will eventually. But Dimitri, if you have never slept with Tanya it isn't your responsibility."

He shook his head. "I said I didn't remember." He looked down like he was in shame about what he was about to admit to me. "The night I saw you for the first time since the Academy I drank a lot. Finding out about Veda, I lost it a little bit. I hated the fact that I left you, unable to protect you when you got pregnant. I felt guilty that I wasn't there to help you take care of her even though Veda is not my daughter."

He sighed. "I hated that I was jealous of the man who could have that wonderful little girl with you. I love you so much, Roza. I've always wanted to have a family with you even though I know it to be impossible. I wanted, I want," he amended, "to be with you, always. And now I can't."

I rubbed Veda's back, trying to think of something to say. I've wanted to hear him say that for so long, I felt as though I was dreaming now that he was telling me how much he wanted a family with me. But it didn't matter anymore. We were over. He had his family, and I had mine.

I patted his hand before standing up and shifting Veda to my other shoulder. "You'll get through it Dimitri. Having a child changes everything."

I walked up the stairs and opened my front door. I turned around to say goodnight to see him looking at me, about to speak again. "Dimitri," I said interrupting, "go home. You need to be with Tasha."

Then I went into side. I quickly tucked Veda into bed before going into my own room and sinking to the floor.

Now what would I do?

The next couple of days seemed as though Dimitri and I were avoiding to each other. When I walked to the gym and saw him, I would continue to walk past it and try to find something else to do. If he saw me with Veda at any time, he would turn around and walk away.

We could barely look at each other anymore. There was so much hurt and regret in both of our eyes. Nothing could fix this anymore. We were officially over.

And yet I couldn't help thinking that maybe, just maybe, this will be the last little push that may help us get back together.

I wanted to hit myself every time I thought that. How could be get together now when he is going to have another family with Tasha? Just because Veda is his daughter too doesn't mean that I can ask him to ditch Tasha and stay with us. I know how hard it is to raise a child. Tasha will need all the help she can get.

Thankfully I didn't have much time to myself anymore. I was either with Lissa helping her prepare for the wedding that would take place in a couple of weeks, or with Veda helping her prepare for birthday party that was happening the next day.

They were both frantic. Lissa was worried that nothing was going to perfect, or that something terrible would go on during the ceremony. Veda was worried that people weren't going to come, and that Dimitri and I wouldn't make up.

Somehow through all the drama Veda has seemed to really taken to him. Sometimes when I take Veda to the gym with, Dimitri is there, and she asks him to teach her some moves or just to talk to her. She really likes him.

"Momma, is Dimika coming?" she asked as Lissa and I tried to pick out music for the wedding.

Lissa gave me a questioning look._ Since when did Veda get along with Dimitri so well? I thought you were trying to keep her away from him._

I grabbed the pen from Lissa's hand and grabbed a napkin. _That was the plan,_ I wrote down._ Unfortunately she just loves him. Veda just wants to be around him all the time._

_What are you going to do?_ Lissa thought, flipping through pages of song names.

I shrugged my shoulders. There really wasn't anything I could do. "Veda, sweetie, I'll see if Tasha and he can come. If they cannot come though, it's not because they don't care about you, they just have a lot to do recently."

She nodded looking down at the counter. "I know."

I bumped her on the shoulder. "Uncle Adrian will be there. And he told me he got you a really nice present."

She peaked up through her hair. "Really?"

I smiled down at her. "Yes, and he told me that it is something you've always wanted."

She smiled up at me. "What is it?"

I laughed and put my arm around her pulling her close to me. "I wish I could sweetie, but I don't think Uncle Adrian would appreciate me ruining the surprise."

"But I'll appreciate it."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Nice try. Go get you coat and shoes on. We have to go home and get ready for your party."

Veda jumped off the chair and trudged off to he hallway. "What am I going to do about Dimitri?" I asked Lissa putting my head on the table.

Lissa smoothed back my hair. "It'll be fine Rose. If you want I can talk to Dimitri later today. Or I could actually invite Tasha to the party and just say that you've been so busy helping me you didn't remember inviting people outside of Veda's daycare."

"You hate lying through," I pointed out.

"Well, it's not exactly a lie. Besides she deserves to be lied too."

I ran my hands through my hair as I lifted up my head to look at Lissa. "Thanks Lissa, but no. I need to do this myself. I need to face Dimitri. He is going to need a friend during this process that's not Tasha. It's going to be a hard time for him. I've been through it; I can help him."

"You only went through it because of Dimitri. I feel as though if you do help him than you should at least tell him that he is Veda's father."

"How could I tell him that when he is about to start his own family with Tasha?"

"Because he should have an obligation to his first daughter! He should know that he has other responsibilities! You need to tell him," Lisa exclaimed slapping her hand on the table.

"Lissa, I cannot tell him about Veda," I said in a harsh whisper. "He cannot worry about a daughter he didn't know that he abandoned when he has to take care of another woman carrying his child."

"But Rose! He can't raise a child with another woman without knowing about the child he fathered five years ago."

I turned my back to her heading towards the foyer. "Lissa I can't talk about this now. I just have to deal with things myself and let things fall into place when the time is right. And right now is not the right time."

"It's never going to be right the time," Lissa said following closely behind me.

I opened the front door and ushered Veda outside. "Look Liss, I'll handle it when it comes up, but right now I really can't handle with everything going on."

"You need to face him; you need to face him now."

"I will," I said through my teeth as I walked out the door.

Veda and mine's walk home was very quiet. She knew that we were fighting, and that it had to do with her father. I still hoped that she didn't know who her father was, but I felt almost ashamed to ask her if she knew. I felt like I was lying to her, and I really can't lie to my daughter.

Whenever she used to ask about her father I would tell her some part of the truth. That he was an incredible guardian and I couldn't take him away from the Moroi when I found out I was pregnant with her. He didn't know about her, but I knew he would love her no matter what.

She never asked more. She was a dhampir after all, so she understood. Even at that young of an age, dhampirs understand that Moroi come first. So, she was proud of her father for being the best guardian, even if he was never around her.

"Rose," a voice called from behind me as I opened up the front door.

I knew that voice anywhere. I've heard it many times in my dreams. "Veda, go get ready for bed. I'll be up in a minute."

She nodded. "Night momma."

I took a deep breath and turned around. "What do you want Dimitri?"

He walked up slowly to my front steps. "I actually don't know. I just need to talk to you."

"About what Dimitri, there really isn't anything left unsaid."

"There is so much left unsaid."

"Like what?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

"When were you going to ask me about Veda?"

My heart stopped. Did he figure it out? Did my hint yesterday give it all away? Or maybe he just paid closer attention to her and figured it out. "What about Veda?"

"She asked me if I was coming to her party tomorrow. I didn't know what to ay because I was afraid to catch you off guard when you clearly don't want me there."

"It's not that I don't want you there, Dimitri. It's just, it's been a tough week what with Lissa's wedding coming up and Veda' party. I didn't have enough time to come and ask you."

He shook his head. "No Roza-"

"Dimitri, seriously, please stop calling me that," I said brushing past him into the middle of the street. "We aren't at that place anymore. We aren't those people anymore."

"But Rose, I want to be in that place," he said taking a deep breath. He walked up to me and gripped both of my arms. "I want to be those people. I want to be the man I was that night at the Academy. I want to take you into my arms and keep you safe."

I took his hands off my arms and brought them down to our side. "There is nothing else in this world that I would want more to go back in time to that place, but we can't."

"But we can Rose. We can be those people again!"

"What about Tasha, Dimitri," I whispered. "What about her."

He closed his eyes. "I don't know."

I smiled up at him and placed my hand gently on his cheek until he looked at me. "Dimitri, you are an amazing guy and I know you will do that right thing. You will stay with Tasha and help her through this time and raise your child. You need to be there for her. Trust me, she is going need someone strong there with her."

"I know you're right." He chuckled and smiled down at me. "When did you begin to be right all the time?"

I laughed too. "About five minutes after Veda was born."

We laughed for a little while longer, until Dimitri suddenly became very serious and somber. "I wish you didn't have to go through it alone Rose. I wish I could have been there for you."

"I wish you were there too," I whispered. "But you have to be there for Tonya."

He nodded. "Hey," I said wrapping my arms around his waist. "I'll be here for you if you ever need someone to talk too."

"Thank you Roz- Rose," he amended as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders pulling me into him.

"And we would love you to come to Veda's party tomorrow."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

I looked up at him as he bent down and kissed the top of my head. This felt right. He needed someone who's been through pregnancy before. I had to help him through this, and maybe in doing this I could tell him about Veda as well.

Psh. If one thing is for sure right now, it's that Dimitri will never find out about Veda now.

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><p>AN: Sorry this took a little long, but I'm going to try and update this story every other week, so that I have time to work on my other stories as well. Also, sorry if this chapter was a little slow, but I need to get Dimitri and Rose back on track. There will be a lot of scenes of them coming soon!


	9. Himerus and Eros

"Adrian that needs to go over there next to the cake and far, far away from the presents," I said pointing him towards the front door. "And Christian can you please go Lissa with the food?"

I've been running around all day trying to finish getting everything ready for Veda's party in just an hour. With the small amount of sleep I got last night after my conversation with Dimitri I was so stressed out I didn't know if I was going to be able to do this.

"Need help?" a voiced called behind me.

I turned around irritated that someone would even ask me that. But low and behold, Michael was smirking at me trying to look at innocent as possible. Just like that, all the irritation and stress I was feeling melted away as I launched myself into Michael open arms.

"What are you doing here? I thought Jeremy Zivic still needed you in Croatia for another month," I said holding on to him very tightly.

He spun me around, laughing at my excitement. "Do you think I would miss Veda's fifth birthday? Also, I couldn't leave you to fix this all up yourself. I know how you were last year."

I groaned and pushed him away from me, hopping onto the ground. "I was just fine last year!"

He rolled his eyes while pulling me back into him. "You were great last year."

I smiled up at him pushing his face away from me. "Well, thank you."

He smirked and started to walk to the living room to help Adrian put up the rest of the banners, but I grabbed his arms to stop him. "Seriously Michael, it means a lot to me that you're here and even more to Veda."

"Don't tell Veda, but I'm part of Adrian's gift to her. That's why I'm back early." He squeezed my hand and left me.

I shook my head, smiling as I turned to go upstairs to help Veda get ready for her big day. She was already spinning around in front of the mirror looking at the lilac dress I got for her.

"Did you know," I said softly as I walked over to her, "that in just a couple of hours you will be five years old?"

She smiled up at me nodding. "Do I look older mommy?"

I laughed. "Oh yes, so much older. Soon people are going to start thinking we are sisters."

"But mom we don't look like sisters!" Veda exclaimed running over to her bed.

"We don't?" I asked kneeling down in front of her to put on her shoes.

She shook her head, her smile growing wider. "No momma. You say it all the time that I look too much like daddy to be your sister."

"That you do baby."

"Is he going to be here tonight?"

I looked up at my daughter, gazing into her wide brown eyes. There was so much innocence there, so much that she didn't know yet. "What do you know about your father Veda?"

She shrugged looking down as she played with the hem of her dress. "Just what you told me, but I was thought my present could be his name."

"You want to know who your father is, don't you baby?"

She nodded. Still looking down. "Veda," I said putting her little hands in mine, "there is something you need to know about your father. He is a great man, but he doesn't know that he gave me you. I was too afraid to tell him because he had to leave me for his duties. But Veda, you need to know that he loves you very much, but he is going to have a family of his own very soon and I don't want to make him sad about leaving you until the news of his new family settles down. Do you understand?"

"You want me to be a secret still?" she asked sadly.

"Oh baby, I wish you didn't have to be, but I just don't want to cause you father pain. Your father would have been here for you your whole life if I was brave enough to have told him."

"Do you not want me to know momma?"

"I want you to know. I just don't want to hurt anyone," I said softly, a tear escaping from my eye. "Veda I love you so much, I just don't think that this is the right time to tell you about your father. Just know that he loves you so much already and I love you with all my heart."

"I know momma. I love you too."

I pulled my daughter into me, holding her tightly not wanting to let go. She was my whole life. I was just so afraid that if I told her I would cause her so much pain if I did tell her Dimitri's name.

I grabbed her hand as we pulled away from each other, and started to head downstairs.

This lie was getting harder and harder to confess.

The party was going well as people started to arrive. All of Veda's friends were able to come and they were all running around with Adrian. The parents were in the kitchen complimenting Lissa and Christian on their cooking. Michael and I were in the foyer, greeting the last of the arrivals. Dimitri and Tasha.

"Hello Lady Oreza. I'm so glad you could make it," I said waving her inside.

"Oh please, Rose, call me Tasha," she said pulling me into a hug.

I grimaced looking over to Michael. "Lissa and Christian are in the kitchen. Michael and I will be there in a second."

Tasha smiled and started ahead. "Rose the place looks great," Dimitri said awkwardly putting his hands in his pockets. "Is purple Veda's favorite color?"

I laughed along with Michael. "No not exactly. She loves the color black, but when I refused to paint every wall in her room black she settled for purple."

"That was probably the only fight they've ever had," Michael chuckled. "Veda marched around this house pouting for four days straight."

"Until you so gracefully made a compromise with her," I said hitting him on the arm. I turned my attention to Dimitri, who looked annoyed at our closeness. "Michael told Veda he would paint black strips across the top of her walls if she picked another color. So she went running around the house to find another color when she found the dress Lissa gave me for one of her big ceremonies."

"Lilac," Michael stated. "It was the only bright color I think I've ever seen you wear."

I shook my head smiling. "Since then Veda has worn lilac dresses to any special occasion we have to go to. Speaking of the devil," I said as Veda came running into the room.

"Mikey!" she yelled out launching into his arms. Like mother, like daughter.

Michael laughed spinning her around. I smiled at the picture of them and turned to Dimitri. He looked so sad to see his daughter (not that he knew that) in the arms of Michael. It was like he didn't believe she just blew past him.

"Veda will probably have to show Michael everything she's gotten since he's been away. Do you want to head into the kitchen where Tasha and everyone are?"

Dimitri tore his eyes away from Veda who was now giggle and trying to wiggle out of Michael's arms as he tickled her. "Sure," he said softly holding out his arm indicating for me to lead the way.

"I'm assuming that scream was Veda finally seeing Michael?" Adrian asked coming over and kissing me on the cheek.

"What else would make Veda so excited?" I asked rolling my eyes at him.

Dimitri stepped around us, looking disgusted at something. He dutifully went to Tasha's side and whispered something in her that made her eyes widen. Slowly, Tasha's eyes wondered to mine.

I quickly looked back to Adrian feeling my face flush. Suddenly I felt like I was back at the Academy and I did something too childish for Dimitri. I had the feeling that soon he would get me alone and scold me for not being more focused on my duty, giving me the whole 'They Come First' speech.

With Tasha's and Dimitri's eyes burning into my neck, I suddenly felt seventeen again.

Adrian, oblivious to all of this, squeezed my side. "Like mother, like daughter than. The Hathaway girls are nothing without their men."

The party went well. Veda made her way to Dimitri and greeted him with as much love as she gave Michael, but Dimitri didn't laughed and twirl her around. Veda got everything she wanted and more thanks to Adrian and Michael.

By nine clean up was done, Veda was sound asleep, and everyone was gone. Or so I thought.

"Rose," Michael whispered coming up behind.

"Gah!" I screamed dropping the plate I had in my hand. Thankfully I was washing it, and it landed neatly in the sink without breaking. "Michael what the hell?"

He laughed, picking me and walking towards the front door.

"Michael, what are you doing?" I said in a harsh whisper. "I can't leave Veda alone!"

"Oh chill out Rose. You are only going in the street!" he said putting me down right in front of my house.

I sighed and threw my hands up in the air. "Okay fine. What is going on?"

"Well," he said calmly pulling me in for a dance, "I'm leaving tomorrow and I won't be back for a while."

"How long is a while?"

"Longer than a month," he said softly.

I pulled back in order to look at his face. It was sad, distant. It was like he wanted to tell me something, but he was holding back, almost like he couldn't bear if I didn't say the right thing.

"Where are you going this time?" I whispered.

He looked back down at me, his eyes searching mine. "Back to Croatia. I'll be home in time for Lissa's wedding, and I was wondering if you would want to go with me?"

"Lissa's wedding is still four months away! You only had a month left before you came to the party! Was this the only way for you to be here for Veda's birthday? Oh Michael you-"

"Will you go to Lissa's wedding with me?" he asked cutting off my ramble.

I sighed and rolled my eyes at him. "Of course I will, but seriously why are you going to be gone for another four months?"

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

"Ha. Ha." But I let it go. I knew I wouldn't get a straight answer from him. When it came to his work I never got a straight answer from Michael. "Promise you'll call more often though. Veda really missed you, I really missed you."

He smiled down at me and kissed the top of my head. "Don't worry Rose, I'll be home before you know it. And if I'm not, I'll give you something to remember me by."

"Wha-" I started, but I was quickly caught off my Michael's lips crashing to mine. The kiss was short, and while I certainly did enjoy, it was nothing like the passionate kiss Dimitri and I shared in my kitchen.

When we broke apart, my eyes remained closed for a moment longer savoring the moment. It was nice to be kissed again, especially by someone like Michael. He's been there for me so much in the past; he meant the world to me. And now that Dimitri was starting his own family, it would be good for me to move on and try to have a family of my own, and a father for Veda.

My eyes fluttered open to watch Michael walk away from me. He turned for a second to give me a half smile before continuing on his way.

I smiled, spinning around with my hands in my hair. I couldn't believe that just happened. I felt like I haven't kissed anyone in so long without any consequences. With Dimitri the aftermath was horrible. So many questions came flying into my head. I wanted him so much more than I already did and the guilt of not telling him about his daughter after he basically confessed his love to me just weighed down on me so much more.

With Michael, it was easy. I did need to worry about who found out that he kissed me. I didn't have to break any news to him. There was no guilt, just fun. Something I don't remember having just for myself since I had Veda.

Suddenly I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I froze only to see the dark figure of someone familiar. "Dimitri," I said breathlessly.

"Good night I can see," he said nodding in the direction of Michael.

I smiled at him. "Veda had an amazing party, so of course it was a good night."

He smiled sadly back at me, taking a step closer. "Rose there has been something on my mind for quite some time and I don't really know how I should ask it."

"Well just ask it," I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"I've watched you around court. I've watched the way you act around guys," he said looking down at the ground. "I've been trying to figure out if you act differently around certain people. I've been-"

"Trying to figure out who Veda's father is," I finished for him. He looked up shamelessly at me. "Look Dimitri that really isn't any of your business. If I wanted you to know I would tell you."

"I know, Rose, I know. It has just been eating me away wondering who had the chance to start a family with you and choice against it."

"Dimitri," I groaned throwing my hands in the air, "I can't do this right now."

"Wait Rose," he pressed grabbing my arm and spinning me around. "I just need to know, can dhampirs have children with other dhampirs?"

My eyes widen. Did he figure it out? Did he look at Veda yesterday and see his eyes? Did he see his strong bone structure, or his kind smile in his daughter? Did his eyes finally open and he saw all those features in our daughter that I saw in her every day? Was the truth finally going to come out?

It took me another moment to find my voice. "What are you talking about?"

"Michael," he said softly. "The way you and Michael act around each other and the way Veda is around him. It just makes me wonder if because you are shadow kissed that maybe the rules don't apply to you. They normally don't anyways."

I let out a huge sigh. "Michael is not the father Dimitri. Who the father is isn't important anymore. Please, just drop it."

"Just please tell me something Rose. Does Veda know?"

I looked up at him. Gazing into his warm brown eyes I so badly wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to feel his arms around me; I wanted to feel his lips on mine. I wanted to hear him say everything would be okay.

In many ways, I wanted Dimitri to take Michael's place. I wanted to Dimitri to dance with me in the street. I wanted Veda to yell out his name and launch herself into his waiting arms. I wanted us to be a family.

"No," I said softly shaking my head. "She knows what he was like, how he treated me, and that's it. She asked for a name, but I can't bring myself to tell her without telling her father."

"Rose, you are going to have to tell both of them at some point," he lectured transporting me back to the day of the Academy, his posture changing to business mode as he looked down at me with caring eyes.

"I want to Dimitri, you have no idea how much I wanted to," I said turning away from him.

When I got to my door I looked back at him standing at the bottom of my stairs. He looked up at me expecting a better explanation. He wanted to hear the right answer. He wanted to hear that I would walk up the stairs and tell Veda who her father is and then go and tell the man.

"I'm too far into this lie not to hurt anyone Dimitri. I don't know if I will ever be able to make everything right now."

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><p>AN: Okay I know this chapter seems kind of pointless, but as I was writing this, it just kind of came out and then I just had this brilliant idea. AKA this chapter was needed and you all shall find out very shortly :]


	10. Running Up That Hill

A/N: Hello everyone. Just a little warning, that A these chapter may seem a little boring and useless, but I have to get these out of the way before I get to the good stuff, and trust me it is going to happen very soon! And B is that I won't be updating as much as I would like because I am back at college, and no matter how much I try to sit down and I write, I then realize I have chemistry homework, and hate my life a little bit. Spring break is coming up soon so I'll try to write a chapter or two then, but I do have two other stories I have to update and as much as I wish that was it, my brain started to form a fourth story in my head... Don't ask me why, I don't even know. Anyways I promise to finish at least one of my stories before I start a new one. Well, enjoy this chapter!

I don't own anything

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><p>I've never believed in soul mates. How could two souls be so right for each other that they make everything else in the world go away; that those two souls become one? I never believed in that you could be so attuned to someone that you can literally know what they are thinking just by the shift of their eyes or change in their stance.<p>

Then I met Dimitri.

Within just months of knowing each other we understood the other's feelings better than anyone else. Soon I was able to look at his stance and know if he was worried about something. He was also the only person who could calm me down when the spirit got too much for me. When his arms were around me I actually felt safe, and sane.

We were each other's rocks. We were connected in so many ways it was like our souls become one when we were around each other. We knew what it was like to give up our lives for the people we love. We knew what it was like to never put ourselves first. We knew what it was like to be so deeply in love we went against everyone to be with each other.

Then we were ripped apart. Our souls severed, breaking beyond repair. Now I really wonder if the cracks will ever be filled.

I laid in the grass listening the birds chirp around me. I distantly heard Veda laughed and scream as she played on the swings with some of her friends. If I could just tell her the truth, then maybe things will finally start falling into place. If I told her than there wouldn't be any secrets between us and maybe, just maybe, she would understand.

Maybe Veda wouldn't feel the need to tell Dimitri. Maybe she will understand the importance of the secret.

I rolled my eyes at myself as I shook my head back and forth. Who am I kidding? She's five years old! She would want to know everything. Why we weren't together anymore, or why I never told him. She would want to spend every minute with him, making up for lost time. She would never understand.

Truthfully, no one would understand. No one would be able to take the truth that dhampirs could have children with other dhampirs. They would probably think I was some kind science experiment. Only people who were shadow kissed could go against the rules. And right now, I'm the only one…

The truth about Veda could never come out. No one would know what to do with that information. Nothing would ever be the same if they found out. Just like how many people still don't know that Lissa can heal people. Everything would change for the worst.

Suddenly my phone buzzed in my pocket. "What's up Lissa?" I asked not even bother looking at caller ID. With the wedding coming up, Lissa has been calling me ever couple minutes freaking out about something.

"Rose I don't think I can do this," she said softly.

Before she had time to utter another sentence, I snapped my phone shut and called Veda over from the swings, and within five minutes we were off towards Lissa's house.

"Momma, what's happening?" Veda asked pulling my hand to slow me down.

Without missing a step I swept her up into my arms and continued my quick pace. "Lissa is having a little bit of a crisis about the wedding sweetheart, and I need to be there to calm her down."

"Why?"

"This kind of thing happens when there is a party this big. She's just a little stressed out about planning her party. Remember how mommy was when I was planning your birthday part?"

Veda nodded. "But Adri told me that was because you didn't like some of the people coming."

He always tells her unnecessary things… "Well, that's true. And it's also true with Lissa."

"Well, why does she have to invite people she doesn't like?"

"Because sweetheart, we live at court. Some things are just expected. You'll understand when you're older," I said softly as I opened Lissa's door. "Now can you do momma a favor and watch some television as I calm your Aunt Lissa down?"

She nodded as I set her down, and took off into the living room. I watched her get settled and then walked into the kitchen shutting the door behind me.

Lissa was pacing back and forth with her hands on her hips. She didn't even look up at me as I entered the room. "I can't do it, I just can't. I've only ever loved one person. What if a couple of years from now I fall out of love with Christian? I am only 23 years old. Isn't that a little young to get married? I mean I still have my whole life ahead of me! I'm not ready to settle down and miss out on all the adventures I could have!"

I took a seat at the counter waiting for her to get everything out of her system, and I knew it could be a long time before she got it all out. I knew this was coming, according to all the movies the bride freaks out at least once.

" I mean do you remember when we ran away from the Academy? All the adventures we had traveling from place to place, going to different colleges and never knowing if we were going to get catch or not? It sucked having to live in fear, but we always had such a great time! No day was ever the same; every night was a party! And now I feel like I have this routine every day and I just can't deal with it anymore!"

She stopped pacing and turned to look at me. "Let's go. Let's get away from everything. Let's go to Pittsburgh or Washington DC. Let's go to New York City or Boston. Let's just get away and have our own adventures!"

I smiled sadly at her, remembering the same freak out I had when I was pregnant with Veda.

_I paced around the cabin, my stomach protruding in front of me. I was bouncing up and down shaking my hands. "I can't do this. I just can't do this. I'm not fit to be a mother. I don't know how to care for a baby. I stake evil things; I beat up Strigoi's for a living! I can't handle doing that with a baby attached to my hip."_

"_Rose, it's going to be okay." Lissa said sitting on the couch watching me pace. "We are all going to be here to help. You aren't going to be alone."_

"_It doesn't matter! I'm only 18! I'm not supposed to have children. I didn't even know if I wanted any children. And now because of one stupid night I have to spend the rest of my life caring for a child!"_

"_Rose, just calm down," Adrian said softly. "Once the baby comes into the world, you won't care about how scared you are now. You will just love this child so much, and it will be the luckiest baby in the world."_

"_No, it just needs to stay in there. Then everything will be normal, nothing will change."_

"_The baby just can't stay in there," Lissa said trying not to laugh._

"_Liss, I can't do this! I'm all-alone. I know you guys said you are going to be there for me, but this baby needs its father! I need its father!"_

_Adrian stood up and walked over to me, holding me still for a moment. "Rose, listen to me, I am going to be there for you every step of the way, and love this baby as if it were my own. Lissa is going to be there as well, and this baby is going to have a family like no other child will have. It's going to be the luckiest baby in the world."_

_I smiled sadly at him. His words were comforting, but he couldn't calm me down the way I knew Dimitri could. I didn't feel safe in his arms. I didn't feel like I could do this with Adrian. He was my safe harbor the way Dimitri was. "Adrian, I love you for doing this and saying all these things, but I need Dimitri."_

_Lissa then stood up and walked over to me. "Rose, you never needed anyone else in your life before. You don't need anyone now. But you are going to have everyone to help you. We love you Rose, and we love your baby. Everything is going to be fine."_

_And that's when I knew it was going to be…_

"Lissa, everything is going to be just fine. I've never seen a love like the one that you and Christian share. I know in my heart of hearts that you are never going to fall out of love with him, if anything you are going to love him more and more every day that you are together. I've seen your love grow with my own eyes, any time I am around you guys."

But Rose," Lissa started.

I shook my head, cutting her off. "No Lissa, trust me. If you and Christian were to fall out of love, then I have no hope for anyone else in the world."

She smiled at me for a moment, until that smile turned into a frown. "Rose, I used to believe that too, but about you and Dimitri."

"Lissa-"

"No, listen. I may not have known about you guys at first, but when I found out, I looked back on your relationship and it was so obvious I'm still mad at myself for not seeing it before. But I still see it in his eyes every time he looks at you, and every time you look at him. Then with Adrian teaching me how to read ora's I can see the way you affect each other. Of course I'm not as good as Adrian at reading them, but he tells me just how bright your ora's get. He says it's a little ridiculous."

I shook my head. "Lissa we may have been that way, but we have brighten each other's worlds in a long time. We've hurt each other too much," I said softly reaching out and taking her hand in mine. "But Lissa, you light up Christian's life every single day! He smiles all the time when he is around you, and I can't imagine him ever getting mad at you. You are too perfect."

"That's what I'm worried about Rose. I just am afraid that it's too perfect. If your epic romance with Dimitri ended than how can I be sure that Christian and mine won't?"

"Lissa stop thinking about my romance with Dimitri. It was hardly epic. It was tragic."

"It rivaled Shakespeare, though," she teased.

I rolled my eyes. "Not even."

Lissa laughed at my grimace, and then sighed. "Rose?"

"Hm?"

"I love Christian, I really do. I just feel like I need to get away for a little bit. I feel like I need to just collect my thoughts and get away from these wedding plans for awhile."

I nodded, knowing what it felt like to just want to get out of your skin and away from everyone. I felt that way a lot of the time, but Moroi come first, so I was always stuck.

"Pack your bags."

"What?" Lissa asked straightening up.

"Lissa, I know I've never been married, but I know exactly what it feels like to want to get away from everyone. So pack your bags. We're going to the beach!"

Lissa didn't need told twice. She hurried to give me a hug and then ran upstairs. I laughed as collected Veda and rushed towards Adrian's house. I pounded on the door like a mad woman until he finally opened the door.

"Rose, what's wrong?" he asked stepping aside as Veda and I came in.

"Lissa needs to get away. We are going to the beach and I need you to watch Veda for a couple of days," I said breathlessly as I set Veda down on the couch. "Sweetheart, will you be okay with Uncle Adrian for a couple of days? Momma has to watch Aunt Lissa."

Veda looked up at me in a way I've never seen before. Her eyes told me she was trying to understand something that she couldn't. She looked confused and hurt almost. "Yes momma. I'll be okay."

"Okay," I said warily. I straightened up and turned to Adrian, who was also looking at her curiously. "I'm going to take her home and get everything ready, then can you pick her up in about an hour?"

He nodded. "Don't worry about it little dhampir. I'll take good care of my favorite niece."

I rolled eyes at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "We'll see you soon."

As soon as Veda and I walked through, she crossed her arms and turned around to face me. "Momma what were you and Auntie Lissa talking about?"

I tilted my head at her. "Lissa was just having a little crisis Veda. It's nothing to worry about."

She shook her head very quickly. "No momma. Auntie Lissa was telling you about Dimitri."

My eyes grew wide. "Veda, that was a long time ago. Dimitri and I have a complicated past, but at one point in time we were in love."

"He told me he still was," she said softly.

"What?"

"Dimka still loves you momma. He told me so. He also told me that when he left it was the biggest mistake of his life," she repeated perfectly. "Momma, I've heard you whisper things."

"About Dimitri and I?" I asked quietly bending down to look her straight in the eyes.

She nodded. "Momma, Adri said I have Dimka's eyes."

"When did he say that?"

"The other day when he thought I was asleep."

I fell softly to the floor leaning against my front door. I ran my hands through my hair. I should have felt relieved right? I mean not the cat was out of the bag. My daughter finally knew the truth, the whole truth. There were no more lies.

However, I felt completely shamed. Veda found out by accident, not from me. There was so much she didn't understand about the situation and so much she never would understand. She was only five years old. She shouldn't have to deal with all this drama.

"Veda-"

"Momma, is Dimka my dad?" she asked softly looking at me with accusing and betrayed eyes.

I closed my eyes and hung my head. I don't think she would ever forgive me for keeping this from her. "Yes."

"Why?"

I looked up at her question. Why? What kind of question is why? "Veda, sweetheart, what do you mean why?"

"Why is he my dad? He's not around, he doesn't make you happy."

My lips twitched at her reasoning. "It's a long story baby. The reader's digest version is that Dimitri and I were in love a long time ago. But you know how frowned upon dhampir relationships are, so we hid it. No one knows about Dimitri and I, or the little bundle of joy we had together."

I took a deep breath and pulled her over to me. "Veda, Dimitri never found out that he is your father. He is one of the best guardians we have and he was needed to protect the Moroi, which is why he left me before I had you. In many ways we do still love each other, but things have gotten so complicated. One day when you are much older I may be able to explain all of this to you, but you are too young to understand how important dhampirs are.

"Dimitri left to protect people like Aunt Lissa. I don't blame him for wanting to do the right thing." _Even if the right thing meant starting a family with the bitch,_ I thought bitterly.

"But he's back now," she said softly.

"I know sweetheart, but he is starting a family with Tasha."

"Why can't he be in our family? Doesn't he want me?"

I pulled her closely, kissing the top of her head. "Veda don't ever think that. As much I would love him to be in our family, I cannot take him away from Tasha. I know how much you need a father, but you have Christian and Adrian and Michael. Dimitri will be apart of your life, and maybe someday soon he will be a father to you, but just not right now. Everything is just too complicated for him."

She sniffled and nodded, hugging me tightly. "I just want a dad momma. I just want you to be happy."

"I have never been happier than when I am with you, Veda. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

A knock came at the moment, and I picked up Veda with me as I pulled open the door. As though the universe wanted to play some cruel joke on me, Dimitri was standing on the other side of the door.

He looked curiously at my daughter who buried her head in my shoulder. Thankfully he didn't ask her if she was okay. "Are you ready?"

"For what?" I asked shifting Veda further up on my hip. She was starting to get too heavy for me.

"For your spontaneous trip with Lissa? I was ordered to accompany you two wherever you go," he said his guardian mask trying to hide any emotions he may have about this.

"Oh."

* * *

><p>AN: Well Veda now knows everything! I wanted her to find out before Dimitri because personally I figure she would be able to figure it out faster than him because they do talk about it a lot. Anyways the next chapter will have a lot to do with Dimitri and Rose. Then the wedding chapter is to follow shortly after where all hell will break loose. I'm excited!


	11. If It Means A Lot To You

A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait. I've been crazy busy with my full time job and stressing out about the upcoming semester. It's just been a long summer and I'm only halfway through it. I can barely enjoy it… Anyways I'm trying to update on weekends so hopefully I'll get this down regularly. Thanks for being patient.

I don't own anything, like always.

* * *

><p>"She knows?"<p>

"Yup."

"She knows Dimitri is her father?" Lissa asked gripping the side of the queen size bed she sat on. "Your five year old daughter knows that Tasha's guardian is her father?"

"Yes. Apparently Adrian let it slip whenever he thought she was asleep. Then she overheard us talking in the kitchen and on top of all that Dimitri said that he is still in love with me and that leaving was the biggest mistake of his life to her," I rushed out as I hung up one of her dresses.

"He said that to her?"

"Well," I said turning around to face her with my hands on my hips, "I don't know. He could have said it to her, but I really doubt that. He probably said it to someone and she overheard him. I tell you, when that child wants to hear something she will hear it."

"So, now what?"

I slumped down next to her on the bed. "I don't know."

"Well, I know you are supposed to be watching me and helping me through this breakdown, but I want you to talk to Dimitri."

'Lissa, I can't-"

"No," she said putting her hands on top of mine. "Rose, you are running out of time. Soon there will be no going back. Veda will end up resenting you for withholding the information from not only her, but from her father as well. She will have to watch her father raise a family with another woman never knowing that he has another one just next door."

"I know Liss, I just don't even know where to start."

"Approach this like a Band-Aid," she said simply, moving towards the sink to wash off her makeup.

"What?" I asked staring dumbfounded after her.

"When you take off a Band-Aid," she said patting her face dry with a fluffy white towel, "you don't peel it off slowly. You just rip it off."

"But I'm not taking off a Band-Aid Lissa. I'm am telling a guy who left me six years ago that he has a daughter."

"Which is why you cannot just walk around the subject. You have to just walk up to Dimitri and tell him-"

"Tell him what?" the man in question asking walking into the room. His face was composed with false humor in his eyes. The curiosity was killing him.

"Tell him that we are going to about a dozen kegs stand each before we call this a successful trip!" I said jumping off the bed.

Dimitri rolled his eyes at me giving his famous disapproving look. "Princess Dragomir-"

"Dimitri, seriously. Call me Lissa. I'm not on this trip to be reminded of Court," she said sitting back down on the bed.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. He hated acting normal around Moroi. "Lissa, Tasha called in reservations for us at six for Crabber Cove. Apparently it has the best seafood in Dewey."

I raised my eyebrows at him and looked to Lissa. I knew she was thinking the same thing as me. This reservation was to get on my good side as well as show Dimitri how much she cared about him. Moroi don't really eat human food.

"Well, you can tell Tasha-" I started.

"Thank you, but Rose and I actually had plans to go to this bar called Venus." Lissa didn't think I could keep composure around Dimitri now that everything was basically out of the bag.

"It has a dance floor and everything," I said smiling.

"But you and Rose are welcome to go," she said walking over to the window.

"Lissa are you crazy? We can't leave you here by yourself," I exclaimed.

"I wouldn't be," she said smiling at me.

"Lissa, what do you mean?" Dimitri finally asked taking a few steps into the room.

"I'd still be there, just at the bar." We both gave her a questioning look. "Look, I don't really eat human food, but I heard this place has the best seafood in Dewey."

"Which isn't saying a lot," I mused aloud. This beach was literally one street. Maybe 15 miles long.

"And the portions are apparently huge. So why waste the reservations?"

I looked at Dimitri, and he looked back at me. I shrugged looking as hopeless as ever. Could Lissa have made this more awkward?

"That's very generous of you, Lissa," Dimitri said, his guardian mask in place. Meanwhile I knew this whole idea was killing him on the inside. The last thing we needed in our twisted relationship was a dinner alone together.

But that's what we got.

We sat across from each other, angling our bodies perfectly so we could have a fully view of Lissa and anyone who may sit within twenty feet of her. For the first five minutes we placed our orders to the waitress who was a little _too_ friendly to Dimitri.

Then nothing.

We sat in complete silences, occasionally looking over in Lissa's direction and accidently meeting each other's eyes before slipping back into our business nature. By the time I had a second glass of Diet Coke, I figured to pull the Band-Aid off slowly. Shouting at him that he had a daughter in the middle of a crowded restaurant is never a good idea.

"I'm surprised Tasha let you off the hook for a week," I said smiling up at him. "Actually I'm more surprised that you accepted."

"I didn't," he said shortly. "However, your friend Michael promised he would look after her when I was gone. And next to you, he is one of the best guardians there is at Court."

I nodded. "I didn't realize you and Michael knew each other."

"We do not. He and Tasha have known each other for a year or two. Besides he seems to have your trust."

"What do you mean?" I asked not fully understanding what he was getting at.

"You two seem quite friendly towards each other. He'd be a much better father figure for Veda unlike Adrian-"

"First off," I said cutting him off, "Adrian has been there the whole time for both of us, and Veda loves him very much. Second, he's cleaned up his act a lot since I got pregnant." _To be there for the child you abandoned_. "Third, Michael and I aren't that friendly. He's just a friend who I happen to trust more than most people."

He rubbed his face with his hands, his expression suddenly becoming very tired. "I know. I'm sorry Rose; I really had no right to say any of that. It's just been difficult these past couple of weeks."

I bite the inside of my cheek. And I'm going to make it much more difficult. _For once I wish I could project my thoughts into Lissa's mind._ "It's okay," I said softly reaching over and giving his hand a squeeze. "These past couple of weeks have not been very easy for me either."

"Well, I am sure you can understand why mine have been difficult, but what's going on in yours?"

My eyes widened a little, shocked that he seems genuinely interested even though he just insulted my friends and me. "Um well, things have been difficult with Lissa's wedding and Veda just… she just has a lot of questions for me."

"About?" he asked warily.

"Oh nothing like that! No, she's just been wondering about her father," I said looking down at my hands as our waitress brought our food, lingering a few extra seconds. She huffed away when Dimitri's eyes did not leave my face.

"What did you tell her?" he asked quietly and nonchalantly as he took a bite of his lobster ravioli.

"Um, well, everything," I said matching his tone as I took a bite of my own pasta.

I watched as he stopped chewing and then forcibly swallow the substance, which probably tastes like cardboard right now. By the look in his eyes I'd say I was right.

"Ah. How did she take it?"

"Much better than I thought. Then again she is the one who told me who her father is. Apparently she has hawk ears when she wants to hear something. But she asked a couple of questions and promised not to say anything until I told him."

"And when will that be?"

"Quite soon. I believe it has to be," I said finally looking him in the eyes.

His eyes locked with mine. For a couple of minutes we sat there, neither touching our food, neither being able to pull away from the other's stare. I was hoping somehow my thoughts were projecting so that I may not have to tell him the truth.

"How is everything here?" the waitress asked with a forced smile. She was clearly unhappy.

"Great," I said matching her ridiculously happy tone. I caught Lissa's eyes at that moment and shook my head slightly. _I can't do it. I can't be the one to destroy his whole world. Sorry Liss_, I thought.

The rest of the evening went by in a very business-like manner. Neither of us wanting to get too personal. Clearly the fact that I was going to tell the father was upsetting for Dimitri. I didn't understand why since he's been telling me from day one to tell Veda's father, but Lissa of course knew the reason why.

"In his eyes it'd finally be over for the two of you," she said shrugging.

I rolled my eyes. "Tasha's pregnant. With his child. I highly doubt he thought we could still be a family."

"Well, of course you wouldn't, well won't, be. However, I'm sure there was still a part of him imagining that he could have the whole package with you."

"But he could," I exclaimed a little too loudly. "Well he should have. I did get there before Tasha."

"Rose," Lissa warned.

"I know, I know. Dimitri and I have been done for quite some time. It's just I don't know if I could tell him anything. His whole world would come crashing down. He'd be blinded by loyalty and love and chivalry that he wouldn't know what to do. I'm afraid his would actually self-combust," I rattled on as we crossed the street a few good yards away from Dimitri.

Lissa giggled. "You are probably right, but he still deserves to know. Besides," she said weaving her arm threw mine and pulling me closer, "you cannot expect Veda to never mention it."

I sighed. "I know you're right. I just wouldn't know where to begin."

"Well, the beginning is always a good place to start. Replay the night it happened."

"We really don't need to go down that path on are trip down memory lane."

"Then just explain how you felt the next day. He left _again_. And this time with no note. He told you he still loved you, and then left. The fact that he can look you in the eye still amazes me. Therefore he doesn't have a right to be mad at you for keeping Veda a secret. He doesn't deserve to know."

I stared at her for a minute. We had come to a complete stop in front of the club's entrance. "Where did that come from?"

She huffed out a short breath and rolled her eyes. "I've held that in for six years. Seeing you break down the way you did when he left was the worst I have ever seen you. I can never forgive him."

"Then why do you want me to tell him so badly?"

"I don't want you to tell him for his happiness or to see him suffer with his own internal battle. I only want Veda to have the chance to have a father. Something you never had."

"I didn't really have a mother either, but I turned out just fine," I said a little taken aback by her blunt attitude.

"I'm not saying you didn't. I just saying it would be great for Veda to have the life you always wanted," she said patting my hand.

"Ladies," Dimitri said causing me to jump. He turned and gave me a stern look as if lecturing me. I could even hear his voice in my head. _Guardians should never be surprised. Never let yourself get sucked into the world around you. You must be alert, and always aware of your surroundings._

"Comrade," I said shortly.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Are we going inside?"

"Liss, why don't you go ahead? I'm not really in the mood to dance anymore."

She shook her head. "No, it okay. We should just go tomorrow or something. It's been a long day."

Within ten minutes we were back in our condo. With time to spare when Lissa got into the shower, I headed to the kitchen to get a diet coke. It became one of my comforts on long days.

"Rose," Dimitri said softly as he walked into the kitchen behind me.

I nodded as I poured my can into a tall glass of ice. _Rip off the Band-Aid_, I kept telling myself. _Just rip it off already._

"Rose-"

"Dimitri-" we both started at the same time.

I smiled weakly at him, running my hands through my hair. This was going to be a long night.

He shook his head. "You go ahead."

"No, I can wait. What were you going to say?"

He sighed knowing he wouldn't win. "I just wanted to apologize," he said slipping easily back into his guardian mask, "for this evening. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did when we started to talk about Adrian and Michael. They are better men then I."

"Why do you say that?" I asked as I took a sip of coke.

He looked down at the floor becoming vulnerable to me once more. "They never left when you needed them most," he whispered.

It had to be now. Now or never. "We need to talk about what happened six years ago."


	12. Secret Oath

"We need to talk about what happened six years ago," I blurted out. I couldn't keep it in any longer. I needed him to know how I felt all those years ago. I needed him to know that he has had a family for five years.

He stared at me for a few minutes, not being able to keep his guardian mask in place. He blinked several times before turning away from me to lean against a counter. "Rose, I am reminded of that day every time I see you. I have never regretted something in my life quite like I regret what I have done to you. But please understand I cannot talk about it."

He stood up to walk around me and made his way onto the porch. I stood there dumbfounded for a moment. I wasn't giving him a choice in the matter. I basically told him I wanted to talk about that night.

He's not getting away that easily.

I slammed my glass on the table causing the coke to spill over the edge onto the wood, but I didn't care. I followed him quickly out of the condo to find him staring into the street.

"I wasn't asking you if you wanted to Dimitri," I stated coldly. "I want to talk about what happened that night. I don't care if you don't want to hear it. I don't care if you regret it. It's done; it's in the past. And since it's in the past I want to talk about it with you."

"Rose-"

"No. I have wanted to tell you everything for years now Dimitri. You owe me that much."

He took a deep breath, letting it out as slowly as possible. His hands ran through his hair. He looked up at me nodding his head. "You're right. I owe you much more than that too."

I shrugged. "I think I will only be able to handle this," I said slowly.

I sighed and walked towards him. I sunk to the floor and leaned back against the railing. Dimitri followed suit, and then joined me in staring at the house for a few minutes in complete silence.

"It's weird. When you left me six years ago, I truly never thought I would see you again. I almost hoped I would never see you again."

"I know Rose, I-"

"No, Dimitri, seriously. Please just let me get it all out before you say anything, otherwise I may never be able to get what I want out."

I turned his head back so he could stare at the house. "Sorry," he said softly.

"It's alright. There is just so much I need to get out."

I took a deep breath and dove in. "That night, in the cabin, was perfect. I was so infatuated with you that night; I thought everything would just work out between us. I had a feeling that we could make it through just about anything. We'd rise above the forbidden guardian relationship, and we'd be able to figure out how to protect Lissa. I've never slept better in my life."

I rubbed my hand over my face, forcing myself to continue. "Then I woke up, finding nothing but an empty space next to me. I walked around in a haze, the optimistic side of me hoping that you only went to call Tasha and tell her you couldn't return to her. Then I ran into Adrian.

"He told me he saw you leaving, and that you wanted me to know that I did a great job fighting last night and to remember everything you told me. But I read in between the lines.

"I knew your duty to Tasha came before me. That no matter how much I thought you loved me, you couldn't disobey the rules of being a guardian. To me you made it seem like being a guardian was more important to me. I hate to admit that I hated you for that for a long time, but I understand it. Of course, being a guardian comes second to Veda, but my mother believed being a guardian was the only way to keep me safe. The more Striogi she killed, the less there were to come after me."

"Rose," he said softly, "please let me say something."

I sighed, almost happy that he stopped me. I needed time to collect my thoughts. "Go ahead," I said looking up at him.

"Please believe me that I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I knew I would the morning I left, but please know I didn't want to put my job before you. I've never wanted you to feel that way. It's just that…"

"That what Dimitri?"

"That laying there with you in my arms was the happiest moment of my life. I never wanted it to end. But then-"

"The sun came up and reality set in?"

He laughed without humor. "In simplest terms, yes. You were seventeen years old. I had no right to give into my desires and sleep with you. I didn't sleep that whole night, torn between my feeling for you and what I knew was going to happen to you if our relationship ever came out.

"Rose, I would have lost my job, been cast away and thrown into the human world, but you have to believe me when I say none of that mattered to me. That whole night I only thought of how much I loved you and then what was going to happen to you."

"Dimitir-"

"No Rose, this is my turn now," he said seriously as he grabbed my hand. "Roza, you would have lost everything. The Queen would have never allowed you to guard Lissa, and no other royals would have wanted you to guard them. It seemed quite possible that they would have exiled you as well. And with Lissa being the last Dragomir, it seemed unlikely you would ever be allowed to see her again. I couldn't cause you that kind of pain. I would have never been to look into your beautiful eyes again and know that I was the person who caused you to lose your best friend."

I squeezed his hand slightly to get him to look at me. "That wasn't your call Dimitri. You had no right to make that decision and tell me nothing about it. Things could have been so different if you would have just let me know what was going threw your mind."

He shook his head. "Nothing would have been different Roza. I would have left anyways."

I nodded. "I understand that you would have still left Dimitri, but I know things would have been much different if I would have known the circumstances."

"I know I should have told you, I just wanted to save you the pain."

"I was going to be hurt either way Dimitri. I was more hurt when you left without saying anything. Now may I continue with what I wanted to say?"

He nodded reluctantly.

"I am not exactly sure how to explain this next part. Everything happened so quickly, yet at the time horribly slow."

"Rose, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," he said softly. I could tell he didn't want to hear anything else I had to say because he knew the next topic was Veda.

"This is really something we need to talk about, though," I said softly as well. It was almost as though neither of us wanted to be heard.

"The weeks went on and I couldn't find any comfort," I said barely audible. "I barely ate and got sick whenever I did. Lissa would stay in my room for hours with me, just trying to get me to calm down. Adrian would visit me from time to time, but he never stayed very long. He eventually told me the more time he spent with me the more he wanted to drink and smoke, so he decided it'd be better to stay away."

I took a deep breath and rushed out the next sentence. "Then I found out I was pregnant and the world around me seemed to come crashing down. Adrian took responsibility for me even though it wasn't his child. I had to answer to the queen and eventually I had to tell her the truth of Veda. I couldn't lie to the queen about Veda's parents. "

"Rose, what are you saying?"

I quickly turned to him and cupped his face. "Dimitri, you always assumed things because you don't want to face the facts. You always have. You wanted to believe that I had an affair with someone else to spite you shortly after you left me, but there's never been anyone else. I could never _be_ with anyone after you."

"You mean…"

"When I found out I was pregnant you were the only person I've ever been with. Dimitri, Veda is your daughter."

He jerked his face out of my hands and quickly stood up. I remained were I was letting my hands drop silently to my lap. I didn't even let my eyes wonder up to him as he paced back and forth.

"I have had a daughter for five years?" he asked disturbingly cold. "Five years Rose?"

I nodded slipping perfectly into my guardian mask.

"Did you not have a phone for five years, or a piece of paper?"

"Dimitri, don't do this," I pleaded.

"How can't I Rose? I've been walking around with so much guilt to think that I left you, and then I find out that I actually abandoned you when you were pregnant. Not only that, but you waited to tell me this until I am about to start my own family."

"What was I supposed to do?" I demanded rising up to stand face to face with him. "Was I supposed to call you up and say 'Hey Dimitri guess what you're a daddy'? Or perhaps when I saw you that one Thanksgiving I should have pulled you upstairs to show you her sleeping form?"

"I should have known Rose," he said 'putting his foot down' so to speak.

"You should have, and you probably would have if you didn't go back to Tasha without a word."

He stared at me for a moment. He looked as though he could have attacked me right then. Instead he stood back rubbing his hands over his face. "I need to get some fresh air," he said heading down the stairs.

"We're outside!" I called after him.

He didn't even acknowledge my voice as he hurried down the street. I rolled my eyes and shook my head smiling. Sadly enough that went exactly how I thought it would. Actually a little better than I thought it would.

I crossed my arms on the railing looking out to the ocean and took in a deep breath of the salty air floating around me.

I now saw three outcomes:

Dimitri could come back, not say a word to me, and act like our conversation never happened. He could walk back in here and just refuse to believe that he has a daughter. I mean he is about to have another family. It makes sense that he wouldn't want anything to do with us. We've made it five years without a man in our life, I'm sure we will survive.

The other option, my personal favorite, is he comes back here, takes me in his arms and kisses me until I forget the world and everyone in it. The only problem with that is we would be the talk of the Court (not that I'm not used to that), and he would have to leave Tasha alone and pregnant, which I would never allow to happen. This then leads me to the third outcome.

He tells me how much he loved Veda and me; promises to try to be around Veda as much as possible, even though we know we will have to continue hiding it from court. Then he kiss my forehead, tell me we could never be, and then go back to Tasha and live out life the way it should be.

As much as I hated it, I knew the third outcome was going to be the one. Dimitri could never just ignore everything I just told him.

But there was still one more outcome. He could come back, yell at me, tell me he doesn't love me and won't because I hurt him too bad by keeping his. Then he will go back to Tasha and Veda will have to grow up without a father. Then she will end up loathing me because it truly was my entire fault.

I put my head on my arms and groaned. I was so stupid back then. I wanted to go back and time and slap me in the face. I just wish this could have all been different. It shouldn't have happened this way. I should have called him when I found out no matter how hurt and angry I was at him for leaving me.

"Rose?" Lissa asked stepping outside. "Rose, are you okay?"

I sighed and looked up at her. "Oh you know, just to the father of my child the big news, so I'm great."

She winced. "I'm assuming it didn't go to well?"

"Oh no it went great, he actually just took off all his clothes and decided to go streaking on the beach, he's so excited."

"Rose."

"No for real. If you listen carefully you can hear his whoops of joy," I said sarcastically cupping my ear.

"Are you done?" Lissa asked crossing her arms.

"I can go longer, but I won't."

"Good. Now tell me what happened."

"We talked. I told him he was Veda's father. He freaked out, blamed me a little for not picking up a phone and calling him, then stormed off claiming he needed fresh air."

Lissa stepped forward and rubbed my arm. "I'm sorry Rose. If you want I can make him see horrible things." My eyes widened at the suggestion. "Rose relax! I was kidding! You know I would never put you through that again after…"

"After that night with Jesse, which lead to me freaking out right before the Strigoi attacked. Also the same night I lost my virginity and got pregnant by the man who stormed away from me five minutes ago."

"Well, I was going to leave it open ended, but yes. That night."

"I'm sorry Liss. I just know I deserve this, but I'm furious that he couldn't just stay here and talk to me about it."

"Well, Rose, you have to understand that a bomb was just dropped on him. I mean he is about to start a family with Tasha, and then you let him know that he actually has another family with you. Something I'm pretty sure he's always wanted. He needs time to figure out what to do. Anything he does is going to hurt someone."

"I know that, but that's why I wanted him to talk to me about it. I don't want him to walk out on Tasha."

"You don't?" she interrupted.

"Well, I do, but I don't want Tasha to be a single mother like me. Especially since the father knows and just decided to abandon her for another woman. Especially at Court. Could you imagine the scandal? Dimitri and I… I don't know if we could stay at Court."

"Well, you know I would go with you."

"You couldn't Lissa," I said softly. "You are the last of the Dragomirs. The Queen would never allow it."

"Rose-"

"Liss, it's not going to happen anyways, so don't even worry about it. Not to be rude, but can I be alone for a little bit. I have to figure out what to do about Veda when I get home."

"Of course," she said giving me a hug.

I turned back to my original position. I felt horrible. This trip was supposed to be for Lissa, and instead it turned into a reality show starring Dimitri and I. Now I have to worry not only about Lissa's cold feet, but also what to tell my daughter when I get home.

If Dimitri doesn't want anything to do with us, then she is going to be heartbroken. Not only that, but in a couple of years she is going to blame me for not having her father in her life.

Could this trip get anymore more complicated?

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><p>AN: to answer that question for all you readers (just because I go MIA for periods of time, and I feel horribly about it), yes, yes it does get more complicated.


	13. Almost Lover

A/N: Thank you for being patient. This chapter is a little short, but this is sort of the last back story chapter, if that makes sense. The chapters to come are all new information and finally the dance that was my whole inspiration for this story!

Previously Veda had found out who her father is, and Dimitri just learned what skeletons he had in his closet!

I don't own anything.

* * *

><p><strong>Dimitri's POV<strong>

This isn't reality. It just can't be.

Dhampirs cannot have children with other dhampirs. It's biologically impossible. Everyone knows that. Which, it makes sense why no one expected me to be the father. But I'm not the father!

I stalked off towards the ocean, pulling out my cell phone as I went. I scrolled through my pictures until I found the one I took of Veda on her birthday. She was sitting on the counter smiling up at her mom who was in a heated conversation with Michael.

Her bright brown eyes shined brighter than other eyes I've seen. Her bone structure was well defined for only being five years old. _She has a Russian bone structure_, I thought to myself.

No. Don't go there.

Veda had beautifully dark brown hair like her mother. And her skin was a little tanner than most. She looked so much like Rose. But she definitely had some different features Rose did not.

Not only was her bone structure much more defined, but also her nose was a little narrower. Veda also had very straight hair, whereas Rose's had soft waves in it. Also, Veda's hair was just dark brown, while Rose had a soft red tint to it.

I collapsed onto the sand, holding the picture up to my face. There is something about Veda that is just so familiar to me. She looks like my sister when she was a baby.

My phone slipped through my fingers and dropped into the sand. My mouth dropped open as I watched the waves crash onto the beach in front of me. The evidence was clear.

I am Veda's father.

I have a daughter.

How is this possible? It was one night. One night almost six years ago. How could one night change our life that much? How could I have been so stupid to not even notice that Veda looks like the perfect combination of Rose and me? But the question that caused me to walk away from Rose is how could she have kept this from me for six years?

Anger built up inside of my as I stood up and walked back to the condo. I should have known. I should have been there when Rose gave birth. I should have been there for Veda's first birthday. My daughter should not have had to grow up for five years without knowing who her father is. I did not want her to have the same life Rose and I had, never knowing who our fathers are, blaming our mothers for keeping our fathers in our lives.

But Rose kept it from me. Veda probably thinks I don't care about her or her mother. She probably hates me.

I marched straight up the steps to see Rose sitting against the house staring off towards the bay. Something about her expression made me stop as my foot reached the top step. She looked so concerned, so sad. She looked as though the weight of the world was just dropped on her shoulders even after she told me her darkest secret.

"You know," she whispered not turning to look at me, "the last time I came to the beach I was pregnant with Veda. I got Lissa to compel the guardians surround the place."

I opened my mouth about to yell at her for her stupidity, but she held up her hand. "I know, Dimitri. It was a stupid thing to do, especially after the attacks, but I had to get away. I had to get away from the all the curious and sad eyes that followed me everywhere I went. I wanted peace where no one knew me."

She took a deep breath, finally turning her head to look at me, frozen in my place on top of the stairs. "I got into a car and drove. I must have driven for a day barely stopping along the way until I hit water. It was a Great Lake I think, but I'm not really sure.

"I got out of the car, kicking my shoes off as I went, and ran straight to the sand. There was something about the sound of the waves that calmed Veda down."

She stood up and walked over to me, staring me straight in the eyes. "See Veda was never calm a moment I was pregnant with her. She would kick and roll all the time. I would be in constant discomfort and ended up having morning sickness for most of my pregnancy. Some days it would be so bad I wouldn't be able to get out of bed or off the floor of the bathroom."

I could imagine her helpless and vulnerable, lying on the floor of the bathroom. Her face pale and hair mangled all around her. I could imagine her walking on the beach, her hair flowing in the wind as she gazed up feeling the sun kiss her skin.

It killed me that I wasn't there for her. I wasn't there to hold back her hair, or drive her away from all the glares of her classmates and problem some guardians. I couldn't shield her from this, and I should have.

"Rose," I said softly.

"Dimitri, I'm sorry. I should have called you," she blurted out, turning her back on my and walking towards the end of the porch. "I had no right to just throw this all on you. Especially now that you are about to have a family with someone you really care about."

I shook my head, following her. "Rose I was coming up here to yell at you. I was ready to tell you off for allowing me to miss the first time my daughter opened her eyes." I took a deep breath and leaned again the railing. "I missed her first steps, Rose. The first words she ever said, and her first birthday. I missed so much of her life Rose."

She hung her head as she faced the bay. "I know Dimitri. I am so sorry about that. Ever since you walked away from me with that betrayed look in your eye I haven't stopped thinking about how different everything would have been if I had just told you.

"I was so worried about how you were going to reach if I told you. I was worried that you were going to regret us and tell me off for lying to you because you wouldn't be able to accept the truth."

"Rose I would have never-"

"You say that now Dimitri," she said whipping around to look at me, "but you don't know how you would have reacted back then. That wasn't the only thing I was worried about, though. I was worried about what would happen to you and your career if it came out that we had a child together."

"Rose-"

"No Dimitri, listen!" she yelled putting her hands on my arms. She gave me a tight squeeze before continuing, "I know you were worried about me and Lissa staying together, but I was worried about what it would do to you if you were taken away from this life. All you want to do is help and protect people. I couldn't have taken that away from you."

I reached up and brushed my thumb across her cheek. "I should have been there, Rose."

"I know," she said looking down.

I placed my fingers under her chin, lifting her face up to look at me. "I wish I could have been there to protect you from everything. I wish I could have been there to look over you and Veda."

"You should have been. I was too self-"

"No Rose, you were only protecting Veda. Everyone at Court would have looked down on her, out casted her. She is the product of two dhampirs, Rose. That's not something the Moroi at Court would take lightly."

"But she should have had a chance to know her father," she whispered.

"It doesn't matter," I whispered back, shaking my head slowly. "You told me earlier today she knows about me now, correct?"

She nodded slowly.

"We know each other now, and I will always be in her life. I will be there for every birthday and every first day of school. Even if I can't be there for her in person, she will always know how proud of her I am. But-"

"No one can know her true parents," she said slowly stepping away from me.

"Rose you have to understand!"

"I do Dimitri, believe me I do! When I watched you walk down the street away from me, I knew this would be the outcome of telling you. Ever since we've met the world has been out to get us. Every force seems to be working to tear us apart."

"Rose," I said softly, trying to approach her again, but she stepped away from me holding up her hands.

"Dimitri, I'm used to you walking away from me. I can handle that. But my daughter, _our daughter_, she's never had to deal with you leaving."

"I'm not going to abandon you again Rose! I can't abandon you and Veda. Ever. If I just explain everything to-"

"Do not say you are going to talk to Tasha about this," she hissed. "I do not want Tasha to know anything about Veda. I don't trust her Dimitri."

"Rose," I pleaded, "if I can just explain everything to her, she will understand and not force me to leave. I would be able to remain close so I can watch Veda grow up."

"She won't let you stay Dimitri. You know it as much as I do, so quit lying to yourself," she spat at me. "If you want to tell Tasha, fine. But if anything harms my daughter in any way, I will come after you. You will never cause my daughter pain." And with that she turned her heel and stormed into the house.

I sighed, rubbing my hands over my face. Now it was my turn to be ashamed of myself for what I did. How could I even dream that Tasha will understand? She was the one who tore me away from Roza to begin with.

Some twisted change of fate caused my only dream in life to become some form of hell. I would have to continue watching from afar as my daughter grows up without me. I will never be able to be the father I've always want to be with Veda.

She's the daughter I've always dreamed of having ever since the night Viktor put Roza and I under a spell. I had never stopped thinking of the night, or the night that was to come. I would have constant dreams of being with her and having a family with her.

Now that it was a reality…

_Tasha is having your child,_ a cold thought yelled at me. It was right. I may have had a daughter with Rose five years ago, but I am about to have a child with Tasha. How could I even begin to imagine abandoning her?

But how could I abandon Rose now that I know?

I can't.

There is little I can do, though. I have to go on acting as though this vacation never happened. But I couldn't do that anymore than Rose…

I walked into the condo, in search for a pen and a piece of paper. Once I found them, I sat down at the table to began to write the words I never wanted to say:

_My dearest Veda,_

_I don't think I could ever put into words how much it pains me to write this letter to you, but there is no way to get a happy ending out of our story._

_Your mother, the love of my existence, is an amazing woman, who was only trying to protect you. She did not want to cause you the pain that I caused her when I left her. Believe me when I say, I never would have left if I knew anything about you. I could barely leave your mother without my heart tearing out of my chest, but I had to._

_Maybe one day when you are older I will be able to explain everything clearer, but for now you're just going to have to trust my word. Hopefully your mother does too._

_There is nothing more I would want to do than to be with you and your mother, but I cannot leave my other family. I understand if you want to hate me; I actually hate myself for it. I just can't do it __Rose__ Veda._

_Never forget that I will always love you, and I will always be there for you in whatever way I can be, and maybe someday, we can have a father/daughter relationship. Just not right now._

_I love you always,_

_Your father, Dimitri_

I folded it and put Veda's name carefully on the front. I then wondered down the hallway to Rose's room. I knocked softly on the door and opened it. Rose stopped mid pace, to glare at me.

"What Dimitri?" she snapped.

I handed the letter out to her. "I wrote this for our daughter. I would appreciate it if you could read it to her when we get home."

"And if I don't?" she asked, raising an eyebrow like I do and folding her arms over her chest.

I resisted the urge to laugh, knowing how much she used to envy me for being able to do that with my own eyebrows. "Roza, please. I want her to know that I loved her before I knew that she was mine. I love you so much, Rose. Anything that is yours I love just as much. Please believe that."

Rose reached out and took the letter before placing it on top of her bags that she had already packed. "I'll read it to her when I get home tomorrow," she said softly with her back turn to me.

I walked up behind her, putting my hands on her shoulder urging her to turn around. She reluctantly did, keeping her eyes cast downward. I placed my hand under her chin.

"Look at me Roza," I whispered.

She lifted her eyes, alight with curiosity, up at me. I slowly brushed my thumb across her cheek as I cupped her face. "No one will ever compare to you," I said softly as I lowered my lips to her.

And when our lips touched, the rest of the world drowned out.


	14. Battle Scars

A/N: The may be the longest chapter I have ever written. For any of my fan fictions. I hope this makes up for the fact that I go MIA all the time. So I hope you like it! We are really getting into the drama of my story! Woo!

PS. The story starts off in Dimitri's POV, like the last chapter ended. It will then change to Rose (which is labeled) and then it's kind of third person at the end. You'll see why that is later.

Previously on Careless Whisper: Veda finds out who her father is because Rose and Lissa are horrible at whispering. Rose then lays the bomb on Dimitri that he is the father of said child. Lots of emotions come up and then suddenly Dimitri is kissing Rose, again. And everything is a mess, again. Let's not forget that Rose and Michael have a little thing going on even though he is out of the country, and Adrian is always there to play batman (well a hero).

Now on with the chapter!

* * *

><p>Her hair.<p>

It has always been so beautiful to me. The color of it was so dark that most of the time it looked black. The rays of the sun brought out its true colors, though, a deep chocolate brown with random tints of red to it. The soft waves of her hair were flowing behind her, pieces wrapping around her face. She smiled at the camera lighting up the whole picture, and her eyes were actually sparkling. Her whole aura just seemed to shine.

My eyes slowly traveled down to her hands as they wrapped around her protruding stomach. One rested on the top of her belly, while the other rested at her lower curve. And while her stance was open towards the person taking the picture, she still had a protective nature about it. The way her shoulder was slightly turned in; the way her leg was bent inwards, as though she was ready to run at a moments notice. Although I don't think she would be able to make a quick escape in her long skirt.

It accord to me, however, that that was what her life was like. She couldn't trust anyone, not after what I did to her. She had to be protective over the child inside of her, not allowing the world a chance to see what was really going on. Even when she was six months pregnant she was fighting against the world.

My gaze was pulled away to the other picture I had. This one was taken after my daughter was born.

Rose's hair was in disarray. Strands escaped the high bun she had and stuck to her face, but she barely seemed to notice. She was smiling back at the camera with a smile so bright it hypnotized you. She was resting on a hospital bed, the sun starting to spill in the window. And in her arm was a beautiful little miracle.

My miracle. My life.

She was perfect. Everything about her. Her brown eyes were staring at wonder at the camera. I really could not describe everything I felt while looking at her. Yet, nagging thoughts keep coming to mind. How could I not have known she was my daughter? Almost more importantly, how could I have left Rose to do all of this on her own?

Of course I had no idea that this could have happened when I shut the door behind me at the cabin, but as my heart and soul split in two, how could ever think I could give her up?

She was my match. She was my life. I have loved her since the moment I saw her. I would still laugh thinking back to that moment in the street. She had such determination in her face, like she would take on anyone no matter the size. She wasn't afraid of anything even though she had barely learned anything to become a guardian. But in that moment, I knew she already had the wisdom and determination it took to be a guardian. Hell, she had more than most guardians twice her age.

The moment she lunged at me, the moment I saved her from falling backwards, something sparked inside of me. Something I have never felt. And yet, as I fought my emotions for her every day, losing just a little more self-control with every passing moment, I was able to lose everything within a heartbeat.

And Veda, my daughter. My daughter who barely knows anything about me besides the fact that I abandoned her and broke her mother's heart too many times.

I should have known.

I haven't stopped staring at these pictures since I got them this morning. I was trying to find answers, answers that would never truly be resolved. Every moment I had with Rose had haunted me, plaguing me with regret, desire and passion. Because every moment I was with Rose that was all I felt. Well those and love.

God, I loved her so much. I was a fool to ever think that that feeling could ever go away. Every moment I was with her, it was like a magnet was just pulling me to her. And last night was no different.

The world around me washed away. I felt at peace when my lips crashed into hers. It sounded crazy, that this woman was the key to my peace, even though I was in the biggest mess of my life.

Yet, none of those things mattered at that moment. The only thing I could concentrate on were the way our lips molded together, the way her skin warmed as my fingertips traveled down her arms, or the way her scent wrapped around me, intoxicating me.

We broke apart, both in need of oxygen, resting my forehead against hers. "This is wrong," she whispered.

My hands, which were resting on her hips, tightened slightly. "I know…"

She pulled away from me, but not out of my arms. "Why?"

"Why what?" I asked giving her a quizzical look.

"Why is it so hard to stay away from you?" she started, looking towards the wall. "Why can't I stop thinking about you?"

"Rose I-"

"No listen," she said moving away from me, turning towards the open window. "My life, it's been hidden from everyone since I met you. I couldn't tell anyone about the way I felt for you. No one would have understood, no one _would_ understand."

She whipped around, her eyes full of sadness. "I love you, Dimitri. I have loved you for so long, but there are so many times where I wish I didn't."

I stood there, feeling paralyzed. The love of my life was wishing me away. I couldn't say that I was surprised, or that I blamed her. After all, I have only ever seemed to cause her pain. I was a ghost of a man, a man who would never deserve a woman as amazing as her. I lost my chance the moment I left only giving Adrian a message to tell her I left.

Adrian. He claimed my daughter, saving her from being an outcast. He saved Rose from being humiliated. He's watched over my girls for six years now. He loved Rose with all of his heart, but never expected anything from her. He should be with her.

"Adrian has been there for me since the beginning," she said reading my thoughts. "He has claimed Veda, loved her, and has given her anything she may need. He has loved me and been there with me through everything."

She looked away from me again, gazing towards the door, her face pained with the statement she was about to make. I already knew what conclusion she has come to, being that I had come to the same conclusion moments ago.

"It should have been him," she whispered.

My heart clenched. It really should have been him. She has captivated him since they met in the hotel during Christmas. And he has never hurt her.

I walked towards her slowly, and as I stood in front of her, she continued to look beyond me, refusing to meet my eyes. I cupped her face, lifting it up towards me. After a heartbeat, her eyes finally gazed into mine. I could see all the conflict running through them. I'm sure my face displayed the same conflict.

She was like a magnet to me. I was always drawn to her, always wanting to be as close to her as possible. That was the only time I ever felt right in the world.

"Rose," I said gently, "he has been everything you have needed, everything I should have been." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes briefly. "It should be him."

She smiled sadly, hearing the words I was only thinking. "But?"

I returned her smile. "But you weren't meant for him. We weren't meant to be apart. You have carried a part of my soul since you tried to attack me in the streets of Portland."

She snorted, rolling her eyes at me. "Dimitri-"

"Rose," I said, shaking my head, interrupting her, "you were meant for me."

My eyes bored into hers, trying to figure out what was going through her mind. I could see the love. She knew it as well as I did that we would never truly be able to stop loving each other, but she also knew we could not be together. Not with everything that is going on in Court. I wanted to tell her differently, but there was no way I could.

"Tasha," she said sadly. "You can't just leave her."

"I know."

"Then why are you saying these things?"

"Because you need to know, you must know, how I have always felt about you, and will always feel about you," I said softly, brushing my fingers across her cheek. "I will love you till my last breath. You and Veda will be in my thoughts, always. I will do what ever I can to be apart of your life."

She closed her eyes briefly, a sly but sad smile playing across her lips. Like a private joke between us, we both knew I should have never said these things to her. But like always, I go against everything I have ever been taught, and I knew she was amused that she was about to do the same.

"I will always love you, Dimitri. You have changed my world in so many ways, and have helped me grow into the woman I am today." She took a breath and looked away for a moment before returning to meet my gaze. Her expression was confusing. "There won't be a moment that goes by I won't hope to some day end up with you."

I returned her sad smile, about to utter the words that should have never even thought of. "We will."

I knew what I was saying, that I would leave Tasha and our unborn child to end up with the love of my life, but I truly felt that we would be together again. "We are meant to be, Roza. We will find our way to each other."

The next day, we arrived back at Court. The three of us headed towards Lissa and Rose's homes, strangely not running into many people.

Lissa gave me a quick hug and then Rose one as well. "Thank you two so much for this weekend," she said as she pulled away from Rose. "I don't think you realize how much I needed this."

Rose gave her a pointed look. "Well okay, maybe you did," Lissa said. "But Dimitri I can't tell how grateful I am that it was you who came, and not one of my other guardians. They aren't so easy to get along with."

I gave her an easy smile. "It's no problem at all Princess."

"Lissa," she corrected, smiling back at me. "I will see you guys in a couple of days for my wedding!"

Rose laughed as Lissa jumped up and down before turning towards her home. I gave Rose a tight nod, hoping she could see the pain and regret in my eyes, before I made my way to the home I shared with Tasha, not knowing how she was going to take the news that I was going to move out.

"Dimitri," Rose called after me, "will you come inside for a moment. Veda is still with Adrian and there is something I want to show you."

I gave her a puzzled looked before nodding and following her inside. Rose smile and shut the door behind me before heading upstairs. "I'll be down in a minute," she called over her shoulder.

I stood awkwardly in her foyer not quite understanding why I was here. I took a deep breath and wondered further away from the door and went to study a picture Rose had hanging by the stairs.

It was of her and Veda. It was taken at Veda's birthday party this year. Veda was looking down at her birthday cake, getting ready to blow out her candles, and Rose was gazing at Veda with such love in her. Study Veda's appearance closely in this photo made me, again, wonder how I could ever doubted that she was my daughter.

She had my soft brown eyes and straight brown hair like mine. Her more defined bone structure was clearly that of a Russian. She just reminds me so much of Victoria when she was younger.

Rose came walking down the stairs just then with a shoebox in her hand. I raised my eyebrow as she reached the bottom step and beckoned me to follow her. When I entered the kitchen she was already laying out photos on the counter.

"What are all these?" I asked as I picked up the first photo. It was a photo of Rose standing next to the wall in the cabin. What the hell was she doing in _that_ cabin? She had her shirt raised so that he flat stomach could be shone. She looked annoyed but her eyes were slightly amused looking at the person holding the camera.

"That was my very first picture with Veda," Rose said smiling. She gestured at all the photos she displayed for me on the counter. "These are all the photos taken of me while I was pregnant. There even some in here after Veda was born. I know that this won't in any way make up for not being able to be there for me, but I figured-"

"Thank you," I said, barely able to tear my eyes away from the picture I was holding. "This means the world to me."

She smiled shyly, and gazed around at the pictures. She pointed to one of her and Lissa. Rose was laughing with her hands on her hips as Lissa's eyes shone with wonder with her hands resting on Rose's protruding stomach.

"That was the first time Liss felt Veda move. I was kind of annoyed since she hadn't stopped moving all morning making me feel so sick. But Lissa was so amazing, it made me forget all about it."

"Lissa didn't try to use spirit to help your morning sickness?" I asked curiously.

Rose shook her head. "I wouldn't allow her. I was too worried what would happen to Veda. Of course at the point we didn't know if she was going to be a boy or a girl. Well, when I say we it was just Lissa and I, Adrian said he could tell."

"How?"

"My aura. Lissa was still having trouble reading them at the time so she couldn't make it out, but Adrian swore he could see the colors of the gender," she said giggling at the memory.

"And that one," she said pointing towards a picture of her laying in the grass laughing. A hand was on her stomach, which seemed to have grown from the last picture significantly, and the other hand was running through her hair. "Was a picnic Adrian set up for me."

"He set up a picnic for you?"

"Mm it was more just random gross pregnancy food on a blanket. I had the strangest cravings at that time. I was cracking up because Adrian insisted on trying one of my strange concoctions and almost threw up in the process."

"What did he try?" I asked curiously, smiling at her beautiful laugh. Adrian did the same thing I would have done. I would have done anything to make her smile, even if that meant eating something bears wouldn't touch.

"I know what you're thinking," she said laughing, giving me a pointed look. "You're thinking that I came up with something not even lions would consider eating."

"No not true," I said shaking my head and laughing with her. "I was thinking you came up with something not even bears would eat."

She threw her head back at this one and really laughed. "My mistake. But you're probably right. Bears wouldn't eat chili peppers and jalapeno peppers with mustard on a piece of bread."

"You ate peppers?"

"Like hot cakes," she said smiling. "In hind sight it probably wasn't the best thing for me since I get heartburn now anytime I even look at a pepper, but when I was pregnant, I couldn't get enough of them."

I smiled looking around at all the pictures on the table. It was amazing. Rose explained to me that every week, Lissa would demand that she stand against the wall and lift up her shirt to show the progress of her pregnancy. During the last couple of months Rose said it was the last thing she wanted to do since she felt like a walking balloon animal, but to me she look so beautiful.

She was absolutely radiating in every picture. Even the ones she said were taken next to a bucket because seconds later she would get sick. "I don't know why it was, but it was such a hard pregnancy. Sometimes I wondered if it had to do with being shadow-kissed, or because of the fact two dhampirs made her. But whatever it was, I was sick all the time."

I grimaced, feeling horrible I couldn't be there to whip the sweat from her forehead and hold back her hair. I should have been there for her, and I wanted to keep groveling because I truly couldn't believe that she would ever forgive me for what I did to her, but one question was burning in my mind. "Why were you in the cabin?"

The air around us quickly changed. Tension was swirling around us, the unspoken past creeping in on us. And the answer that ever plagued our relationship, why did I leave?

She took a deep breath and looked off towards the stove. "They thought it would be best for me to get out of the dorms, but they still wanted me under the protection of the schools force field so they put me in the cabin," she said quietly.

"Rose, can I-"

"ROSE?" Adrian sung loudly as the door opened up. "I have a little monster here just dying to see you!"

I heard Veda's giggle coming from the foyer as the door closed behind them. Rose's eyes went wide as she scrambled to grab all the pictures.

"Here let me help," I said picking up the pictures and handing them to her.

"Wait," she said stopping my hand from grabbing the last two pictures, "those are for you. I figured you might want them."

I smiled at her sadly. "Thank you."

Veda then came running in as I pushed the pictures into my pocket. My daughter froze, looking excited yet worried, as soon as she saw me. She didn't know that I knew. "Veda," I said softly, "моя дочь."

She looked up at me and then up at her mother expectantly. Rose was looking at me curiously, but then looked back at Veda and nodded. "It's okay baby, he knows."

She smiled and lunged herself into my arms. It was the best moment of my life.

**Rose's POV**

Watching my daughter with her father was the best moment of my life. I could see just how much Dimitri loved her so much, that was easy to see. Veda was just so happy to finally have a true family, but the aftermath of this reunion was going to be ugly.

How could I explain to my daughter that Dimitri wasn't going to be in the picture full time? Would she be able to understand? Would she later resent me for essentially being the one who caused this problem?

I looked up to see Adrian leaning against the doorframe, watching the scene in front of him. I could see the sad smile on his face, probably thinking that Dimitri would replace him in Veda's heart and mine. I walked towards him, bumping him in the arm.

"Hey, you okay?"

He nodded, probably wishing he never gave up smoking. "It's just weird. It's like as long as neither of them really knew, then it didn't really happen, if that makes any sense."

"No not at all actually," I said completely perplexed.

"It just makes it much more real, the past you and Dimitri share."

I nodded. "You'll always be her favorite uncle, though. She doesn't have half of that much fun with Christian and Lissa."

He laughed. "True, I am more fun than those two love birds."

"And remember, once she gets older, she'll fully understand the lengths you went to protect me and her. She will never be able to thank you enough. And neither will I."

He turned towards me. "You don't have to thank me Rose. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat," he said softly, brushing a piece of hair from my face. "I'll see you later little dhampir."

I smiled as I watched him. Things would have been so much easier if I loved him like I love Dimitri. As I turned my head back towards the other man, I found him staring right at me. I had the feeling he knew exactly what I was thinking. The sadness in his eyes showed that.

His words from earlier rang in my mind, _you were meant for me- I will love you till my last breath_.

How would we ever fine our way to each other?

Lissa's wedding day.

After months of planning, and one minor freak out, the day was finally here. All day her emotions would take over mine, making me anxious and panic. I was constantly getting pulled into her mind, not able to keep my walls up strongly since it was plagued with Dimitri and our moment in the hotel room.

The moment that should not have happened. It went against everything we were ever taught, everything _he_ has ever taught me. Yet, he was the one who was constantly breaking the rules. His promise to find his way to me is something that should have never been said, no matter how much we feel like. Our feelings are never one that matter in this world. After all _they come first._

_They come first_.

The saying of the dhampirs that has been etched into my mind since I was little The more I think about that saying, the more I realize that I have never truly taken that saying to heart.

Yes, Lissa has always been at the top of my concerns. She was always put above anything that happens to me. But she's hasn't been the first person I wanted to protect for a long time.

After we were brought back to the academy after our two year "abroad" was when I met Dimitri, and while I always thought I would throw myself in front of Lissa if anything were to attack us, I remember what he said to me after Natalie attacked me. "_If I let myself love you I will throw myself in front of you_". He wasn't just telling me we couldn't be in love, he was telling me he was already in love and he would have done anything to save me, even if that meant sacrificing a Moroi.

I may have done the same at that point. I was so infatuated with him from the moment I met him. I don't know what I would have done if his life was in any danger. Therefore, Lissa was taking a back seat, so to speak. And then when he left me, I was pregnant. No one has ever taken precedence over Veda, ever.

Lissa knows that, but does that mean I'm not the best guardian for her? Or anyone for that matter? I haven't put a Moroi's needs first in a long time. Of course when it comes to my own life, I have no problem throwing it away for someone I love. Isn't that what is needed in a true guardian?

So, have Dimitri's confessions ever really gone against everything we've been taught?

I rolled my eyes at myself as I watched the man continue putting my hair up. Of course it goes against everything. No matter what way I try to spin this, it will always be wrong, taboo.

"Almost done cher," he said with a deep southern accent. He was dark skin, and stood a little taller than me. His clothes were a flashy, but matched perfectly with the scarf he had eccentrically wrapped on his head. His eyes were highlighted with gold eyeliner, and I can truthfully say he worked it.

"Do you really think I can pull this off Lafayette?" I asked as I patted the side of my head. It wasn't anything crazy, like I thought it would be when I first saw him, just simply pull to the side and curled, but still, my hair felt huge to me.

"You are going to look so fine girl," he said snapping his fingers as he curled the last piece. "Would I ever steer you wrong?"

"You would be a fool if you did."

"And don't I know it."

I smiled back at him wondering what everyone will think of my look. Rose Hathaway actually looking like she has her life together enough to look presentable. What a joke.

"Mamma you look so pretty!" Veda exclaimed as she ran into the room, Adrian following closely behind her.

Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I saw Adrian do a double take, his eyes full of admiration, as he saw my appearance. I blushed a little worried about the pale pink dress I was wearing, worried that the color didn't flatter me at all. The shape of the dress, however, seemed to fit my body like a glove. It hugged all the right curves and it's sweetheart neckline showed off just the right amount of cleavage. Of course pink was not really my color, but the pockets made up for it.

Veda's pale pink dress was just everything a flower girl's should be. It stopped just above her ankles and had a beautiful neckline that looked like a turtleneck, but was actually tasteful.

"You look beautiful little dhampir," Adrian said kissing me on the cheek. "I do have some news for you though."

I sat up a little straighter, Lafayette grumbling at my sudden movement. "Nothing like that," Adrian said quickly. "Lissa's doing just great. She's on her way here now, actually. My aunt just had to talk to her."

I forgot the queen wanted to talk to Lissa today. I hadn't felt anything alarming through the bond. In fact, I barely felt anything at all. It was almost as if she was trying to keep something from me.

"It's strange… I haven't felt anything alarming from Lissa for an hour," I said softly.

Adrian shrugged. "I wouldn't expect there to be. I doubt my aunt was going to talk to her about something major the day of her wedding." I gave him a pointed look. "Okay, I know she doesn't really care what people are doing, but she does like Lissa. She wouldn't want to ruin this day for her."

"I guess we'll find out soon what she wanted. Anyways, what was the news you had for me."

"Your Michael had to go back to Croatia. Apparently the Zivics needed him back immediately."

I sighed as I looked over to Veda who was spinning around, watching her skirt flow up in the mirror. I have barely seen Michael since he kissed me in the street. We've been so busy with our guardian duties, plus Lissa's wedding, and everything with Dimitri. We were able to talk a couple times a month on the phone, but our schedules rarely matched.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He took leave early to look after Tasha so Dimitri could accompany Lissa and me on our beach adventure. I couldn't expect him to stay here forever."

Adrian nodded, looking at me curiously as Lafayette finished the last bit of my hair and makeup. "Are you guys together?"

I raised my eyebrow at him and looked at Veda quickly. She didn't seem to notice what we were talking about, but she normally doesn't let on that she knows anything. "No," I said in a hushed tone, "no we aren't."

He nodded, looking towards the door as Lissa burst in. "I only have two hours to get ready!" she exclaimed. "We need to hurry!"

And two hours later, on the dot almost, we were lined up outside of the church doors ready for one of the biggest ceremonies in Lissa's life.

The music started and Veda took her place as flower girl and walked down the aisle like she was the proudest girl in the world. She threw pale pink rose petals carefully after every two steps until she got to the alter where he took her place next to Ambrose who was sitting in the front row.

Then suddenly it was my turn. The aisle seemed much longer in four inch heels, but I held my head up high and acted as though I lived in heels this high. I was barely halfway down the aisle when my eyes locked with Dimitri's. He was sitting on the right side in the second row furthest from the alter.

He looked like a god wearing all black with a gold tie. His hair was pulled back into his usual ponytail, with strands framing his face perfectly. His face and posture gave away nothing when he saw me, but his eyes… They were full of adoration and something more animalistic. Lust. Pure lust for my appearance. It took everything in my to keep walking without hesitation, hoping now one saw my quick falter. I tore my gaze away from him and pointed stared ahead, my smile changing from genuine to fake in a matter of a moment. Dimitri's smoldering stares now ingrained in my mind.

As I took my spot and turned back towards the door, winking quickly at Adrian and Christian, bother dressed in black tuxes with pale pink ties, the doors opened once more as Lissa made her grand appearance.

She looked absolutely radiant in the dress Veda picked out for her. Through the bond I felt her excitement and utter love for Christian. It seemed to be pouring out of her. And as she took her place next to Christian, his eyes shining with adoration and a love so strong, that I knew they were completely meant to be.

"…Now if you will join me in raising a glass to Lord and Lady Oreza! May your marriage be a long and happy one. I truly could not imagine the world without you two together," I said fondly as I finished my speech and took a sip of champagne.

Lissa, with tears in her eyes, got up and hugged me. "You are truly the dearest friend anyone could ask for."

I laughed through my own tears. "I could not be happier for you. But I do have to push you away from me because we are not having our first dance together."

She laughed and smiled back at me as Christian grabbed her hand and led her out onto the dance floor. After several minutes the DJ invited other couples to join the newlyweds.

Adrian's parents were the first ones to join, followed closely by some of the other royals. Then in the blink of an eye, Adrian appeared next to me with his hand extended. "May I have the honor, Guardian Hathaway?"

I smiled at him brightly. "I thought you would never ask."

And just like that he swept me away, under the florescent lights, twirling me like we were dancing in a movie from the 50's. It was just perfect for this night. As the song faded into another slow song, more and more couples made it onto the dance floor.

"This is truly a magical night," Adrian said softly in my ear. "Anything could happen."

I pulled back slightly and gave him a sly look. "Whatever do you mean?" I asked mocking shock.

Adrian smiled, but shook his head at me. "As much as I wish I were talking about the two of us, little dhampir, I'm afraid I am not the only man who has you plaguing his thoughts."

"What on earth are you talking about Adrian?"

He jerked his head behind me, and I craned my neck to see Dimitri making his way towards us. My head snapped back to Adrian. "He can't be serious."

"And why not?"

"We shouldn't dance together. People would get the wrong idea, and we would definitely upset Tasha."

"Tasha barely moves anymore, complaining that her feet are too swollen," Adrian said shrugging off my concern.

I scoffed. "She clearly does not know what she is in for then."

"May I cut in?" a deep voice came from behind me. Dimitri.

Adrian's expression suddenly changed to quite serious. He nodded and handed me over to Dimtri's waiting hands.

Dimitri was surprisingly quite graceful on the dance floor. The way he moved made me feel like we were floating on a cloud. It was like everyone around us faded away, leaving the floor open to only us. And from the look in Dimitri's eyes I could see that he felt the same way.

The song that played in the background was much slower than the one before, and the saxophone playing made the dance much more intense. His eyes burned into mine as his fingertips seem to heat up on my hips. Every accidently brush of our legs sent a shockwave through my entire body.

The air around us intensified as his hand slipped a little lower on my waist, his eyes daring me to challenge him. But my voice was caught in my throat. My eyes were glued to his. I wanted to look around, to see if anyone was staring curiously at us. After all this was not the type of dance a student should be engaged in with her former teacher, but my eyes couldn't pull themselves from his. And truthfully my mind, and body for that matter, no longer cared what anyone thought of us. I could only concentrate on Dimitri.

The song ended much too soon and the next song was no longer slow and the spell between us seemed to have broken. Or at least that's what I believed, until he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the room.

The next thing I know he's pushing me up against the wall behind some potted plants. "You look so beautiful tonight," he said hoarsely before his mouth claimed mine.

Her hands grazed across the top of her growing stomach as she watched the couples dancing. But a flash of dark brown hair caught her attention. She could almost blush at the utter attraction between the two former lovers. Their passion seemed to scream from their proximity and their faces.

She rolled her eyes and tossed her long black hair over her shoulder as she stood up and walked towards the door. She pulled out her cell phone and quickly dialed the familiar number she received almost seven months ago, shortly after arriving back at Court.

"Is everything alright?" the man ask concerned as soon as he picked up her call.

"Yes, your two girls are doing just fine," she said smiling slightly. "But we do have a problem."

"What is that?"

"We need to move up our plans. I want this to happen next week."

There was a pause before the man cleared his throat to answer her. "Moved up?"

"Yes," she said impatiently, tapping her foot rapidly as she scanned the room around her to make sure no one able to hear her. "This needs to happen soon."

"And are you sure the blame needs to be one Rose?"

As she opened her mouth to answer, the doors burst open. The girl in question was clutching the arm of Dimitri as the hurried to a secluded corner of the lobby. He pulled her into him, behind the potted plants and almost unseen by anyone. Except for one.

She watched Dimitri spin her around and back her up slowly so that her body was pressed against the wall, her face looking up into his. She could almost see the electricity between them. Dimitri placed his hands on either side of her face as he bent down and whispered something to her before crashing his lips into hers.

Tasha turned away from the couple. "Yes. Rose must take the fall." She turned her head towards the couple again. "This time next week, the queen will be dead."


End file.
